Right Now...Famous Words

Kalisha has inherited my "let's git 'er done" philosophy on life in general (although I was separated for 4 years before finally getting a divorce...go figure).
This does not always work in her favor, although sometimes, it does. I could ramble on here for many paragraphs but I will just list some of her latest impatient actions.

She wanted to have an answer to a 'phone' question. I told her I would take her to Verizon the next day. Not soon enough for her. She got on the city bus and went to Verizon. That isn't a bad thing except I didn't know she went and because of the location of the Verizon store, she had to walk across almost the entire parking lot at Glenbrook Mall. (Have you seen the way people drive in that parking lot?) Yowsers.

She filled out her Parkview Field availability work sheet for May and immediately sent it back. No discussing the dates or my availability to pick her up.

She asked if she should sell her Hello Kitty shoes since they were barely worn and she didn't want them any longer. I told her it was okay. I thought she meant e-bay or Craigslist. The next time I was online, there were her shoes. She found an app called 'Let It Go' and promptly listed them.

I opened my FB page and saw a video of Kalisha talking to the people who were commenting to her. Then I saw my dining room flash before my eyes. What the hell? That is sort of what I asked. She said "Oh that's an app I found called FaceBook Time." Really? It would be nice if she would warn me. Occasionally, I make a mad dash from my bedroom upstairs to the dryer in the basement, wearing only the essentials. And we all know, once in a while I say a few words I shouldn't.

She wanted to participate in 'Clean-Up Day' in Ft. Wayne last year but was too late in volunteering. That wasn't going to happen this year, evidently. She already signed up. I didn't even know when it was scheduled.

She is constantly telling me things after the fact. I know you are all thinking that she will be living on her own soon and she needs to make decisions by herself. While that's true, she might want to think about it for just a minute before volunteering or proceeding.

She informed me that the COLTS were looking for volunteers to work at their training camp in August at Anderson College. (We have gone to that for a day a few times) I guess we will be going again because she off-handedly informed me the other night that she was volunteering this summer. I said, "Don't you have to contact someone to find out all the details?"
"Oh, I already did. They are sending me the paperwork to fill out."

Of course they are.

Little Debbie....Round 2

To state Kalisha becomes obsessed with something is an understatement. I realize I have written about this before, but I am revisiting it today. I saw a cartoon on an autism site which said, "I am not addicted. I am obsessed." Yes, I understand.

At least it makes me know she is not alone in this way of thinking; although I have to say I sometimes forget that and have a hard time understanding her obsessions with some weird things (or so they seem to me.) There have been shoes, certain clothing, and PHONES, of course. I understand the phone thing; it is her lifeline, her 'normal' thing.

Her current 'thing she has to have' is Little Debbie Cakes. This is not the first time around for these.

 

If you have read this blog for any time at all or if you have read the book, Not Different Enough,

you already know she is occasionally obsessed about a person or persons. This usually ends badly; for her.

 

 

Several years ago, she was totally obsessed with a city bus driver and rode her bus every day. This woman took advantage of Kalisha's benevolent nature and asked for Little Debbie Cakes every day. I can't begin to tell you how many boxes were purchased and shared or just given to this woman. (If you owned stock in Little Debbie, I'm sure you saw an increase in dividends during this time.)

At one point, Kalisha had 6-7 boxes of the Valentine cakes in her room. When the friendship became a disaster, the cakes were moved to the basement cupboard and eventually disposed of or given away or eaten; I don't remember.

 

Since that time, Kalisha has had a box every now and then, but recently, the LD urge took over again. She started with one box. Okay. She didn't even open it; she just HAD it. Then last week, she went into Kroger to buy 5 bottles of her flavored water. She came out with water and 2 more boxes of Little Debbies.

 However, the kind she really wanted...because she saw them online and on FB (Little Debbie has a FB page....who knew? Obviously, Kalisha.) were only available at the Coldwater WM. She couldn't rest until she found a box of those.

 

I asked her to take a picture of her boxes for this post, so she lined them up on the couch. She keeps them in the garage refrigerator and as you can see in the photo, only opens a box to get one for her lunch when she is packing it for her volunteer job.

 

It isn't like she gobbles them all down in one day or even a week. She may have these 4 boxes until the end of the year; but she HAS them and that's what counts, for her.

 

I should probably be happy she is enamored with a fictional Little Debbie, instead of a real person. As I said earlier, those friendships rarely end well. More about the latest people obsession in the next post.

 

 

 



 

 

 



 

Do We have To Change It?

Kalisha likes her room just as it is; dust bunnies and all. She knows where everything is and wants to keep it that way, even if 'that way' is a bit of a mess.
I recently made a list of all the tasks I wanted to do in each room of the house, including the basement, garage and deck. (I work much better with a list in hand, even if I change some things on the list.)
Kalisha's room was chosen to be the first in this undertaking; partly because it just required cleaning, rearranging and some 'throwing out' but no painting or redecorating.
She has had a FatHead ... this is a peelable life-sized image of someone....of Colts player #29, Joseph Addai, on her wall for several years. He is no longer a Colt and I'm not even sure he still plays in the NFL.
Although she really, really liked him, she did allow me to peel him off the wall, along with his number and helmet. THEN, I suggested we throw him away, instead of trying to 'save' him. I was pretty certain I was going to get some pushback, but she acquiesced, after hesitating for a bit.
Then I asked her to sort through all (and I mean a lot) her CDs and decide which were still good and which were scratched. That required entirely too much effort on her part, so we left them in the large bin under her bed. Another day, perhaps.
Drawers and DVDs were sort of sorted. That means I threw out all the socks with holes in them while she watched. I discovered 4 new pair, never worn; at the back of her drawer. Kalisha suffers from "male syndrome" (sorry, guys) which is this: If it is not visible in the immediate front of a drawer, it must not be there. Therefore she wears the same holey socks instead of looking for the new pairs in the back of the drawer. As you can see, socks are not high on her priority list.
THEN, we tackled the closet. Oh my. That took a bit because her closet isn't very big and she doesn't do the best job of hanging things on hangers. So first I had to empty the closet, then start putting things back.
Moving right along......we threw lots of scraps of paper away; old library receipts, notes, bank slips, grocery receipts. God forbid she ever throw any of it away when she gets home. No, it accumulates.
She also allowed me to put the last of her American Girl dolls in their boxes and store them in the back of the closet.
She wouldn't move or remove any Build-a-Bear animals.

 We did get some things on the shelf.

 And we added the clips to keep current papers visible.

 I covered up the Budweiser word on the top of her Colts sign..with electrical tape.

All in all, it looks good and the closet, drawers and desk are cleaned out. YES.

I was impressed with her agreeing to almost everything; she was more of the 'sidewalk superintendent' than the actual laborer, but I was happy she didn't argue about the boatload of stuff I threw away. That is particularly hard for Kalisha.

There's That Word "Normal" Again.

Kalisha has often expressed the desire to be normal. Yes, I know all the cliche' answers: normal is a setting on your dryer, no one is normal, what is normal, on and on. It may be a word we can't define, totally, and each of us may have different ideas about the definition, but for Kalisha, it means several things and none of them have to do with intelligence.

For her, normal means doing what other people do. She would love to have a driver's license and a boyfriend and go to college. Those are her 'normals' because that is what she believes 'normal' people do.

Last week I went to IL for a writer's conference. I was only gone for 2 1/2 days. Due to some circumstances beyond my control, I had to leave Kalisha's debit/credit card with her. *You can read more about that here: Not Different Enough blog @ www.moms.fortwayne.com

 

  I realized I was on pretty thin ice by doing that; however, she has become much more responsible about money, and I had no choice this time. My preconceived perceptions came to a screeching halt when she texted me and said, "My checking acc't. is overdrawn. What should I do?" Knowing the balance before I left, I had near apoplexy. What did she buy????

The previously mentioned blog post will answer that question. I want to tell you what she told me when I returned home. She was filled with 'buyer's remorse' and we returned nearly all of it, but as we drove home, she said, "It just made me feel so normal, Mom, to be able to go shopping and buy things like other people do."

 

That statement broke my heart. I want her to feel normal, too.

 

Before you think she never gets to buy anything, I want you to know she does buy 'stuff.' Quite a bit, actually. I believe the fact she was alone; I wasn't looking over her shoulder and advising her about the cost or savings or whatever. That's what made her excursion feel normal.

 

I try to allow her many independent outings, but I really do hover when she has her debit card in her hand. It isn't so much the money she is spending (although that is certainly a factor). We discussed the concept of being 'good stewards' of our money, as God tells us to be. I told her even if she had $1000 in her checking account, I would still advise her to be smart about what she purchases. Not all 'deals' are good deals and not every B1G1F is a good deal. $6 coloring books are not a good deal.

 

I don't want her to be a Scrooge, pinching every penny and not being generous, but I do want her to learn to be a bit wiser about spending. There must be a middle ground;  where she can feel 'normal.'

That Stubborn Streak Isn't Always In Her best Interests

I used to accuse (nicely) my other 4 children of being just like their father; stubborn. Not at all like me, of course. HA
I know Kalisha has some of that too or she would never have learned to do many of the things she has. However, it is one thing to be hard-headed and another to not be able to see the results of that. If that all sounds like gibberish, I will give you an example.

The city bus system in our town offers half-price fares to people who qualify as special needs individuals. One requirement is they must go to the office and have their picture taken for an ID so they can show it to the bus driver if their half-fare is questioned.
Kalisha's ID expired a year ago, but I wasn't aware of it as she never told me she needed to have it renewed. Most of the drivers know her and never question her half-price status.

This morning, she needed to be at work at Parkview Field at 9:30, which meant she needed to catch the 9:00 bus at the end of our street. She took $3 (normal fare) with her. Soon she was coming back in the front door, madder than a wet hen.

"What happened?"

"Sammy wouldn't let me on with an expired ID."

"So now what are you going to do?"

My car was being fixed so I had no way to get her there.

Kalisha was worried she would lose her job if she was late and was trying to think of someone to call to take her. We called several people but they either weren't answering their phone or were busy. Finally, we did reach my cousin who agreed to come and get her. In the meantime, Kalisha called her supervisor and told her she would be 15 minutes late.

As we waited for Mary to pick her up, it occurred to me she could have paid the $3 regular fare and ridden the bus AND been on time.

"Kalisha, why didn't you just pay the regular fare and get on the darned bus?"

"Well, I wasn't going to pay that when I am supposed to pay half-fare."

"Don't you think it would have been better to do that and be on time than being in a panic about how you would get there and then inconveniencing Mary to take you?"

"Yeah, I guess so, but I just didn't want to pay the full fare."

Oy. The logic is lost somewhere and it becomes a 'cut your nose off to spite your face' kind of situation.

I explained that sometimes being stubborn about things is a very good thing but some times you have to think of the end circumstances.

We went to get a new ID when she came home.

Maybe I'm Not Autistic

Kalisha has been making huge strides in many areas of her life in the past six months. She has met several challenges and overcome some extremely difficult things that were not in her 'comfort zone.'

She decided she really wanted a job. It isn't necessarily for the paycheck, but more for the ability to say she has a job. Once again, she wants to be like other people in her circle of friends and acquaintances.

She discussed it with me and her BC (behavioral consultant). Both of us urged her to wait until next year and to continue with her volunteer jobs for 2014. She chafed at that advice. She was certain she could be a great employee and never complain, or miss work.
Kalisha had it in her head and in her heart she wanted to apply at Parkview Field with the Tincaps, a minor league baseball team in our town. Despite our best efforts to dissuade her, she filled out an application and sent it in. They called her for an interview. At the end of the interview, she shook hands and said, "I'll see you when you hire me." I love self-confidence and apparently, they did also because they did hire her.

Not content with just one application, she also applied to work at the Vera Bradley Outlet Sale. This is a 5 day event which brings thousands of people to our town, from every state in the union. It is organized chaos in a frenzied way.  Kalisha likes the VB bags and wallets so she was sure she would love to work at this sale. God placed a very understanding person in the interview and hiring area. I told the lady I didn't believe Kalisha would make it for an 8-hour shift; she graciously gave her 4-hour shifts.

 

Kalisha will have to ride the city bus to and from the coliseum, where this event is held. I will write another post on how she prepared herself for knowing where to enter, get her nametag and apron and find her way around. If we all had this much tenacity, it would be a better world.

 

As we were discussing her 2 jobs, she said, "I am so excited. I love all the people at the ballgames and I can hardly wait for all the crowds at the VB sale. I just love being in with all the people and excitement."

 

I told her, "You know, Kalisha, that is very "un-autistic." The wanting to be in the middle of all the action and interacting with the crowds is very uncharacteristic of most people with autism."

 

She thought about that for a minute and then said, "Maybe I'm not autistic after all."

When It's Over, It's Over

Kalisha meets with her BC (behavioral consultant) every Monday morning at our house. I leave them alone, but occasionally Kalisha will call me into the living room if there is something we all need to agree on or if the discussion is about a new 'plan' of behavior or consequence that I need to be aware of. This BC is absolutely the BEST on the planet. She and Kalisha have been together for 5 years and she knows Kalisha and her behaviors better than I do; in fact, she has to explain them to me, sometimes.

This post is about one of those times. As well as I think I understand Kalisha and know her inside and out, I don't always 'get it.'

When she was about 9 years old, she was asked to compete in Special Olympics, which she did. She had a good time, won a few medals and went home.

Special Olympics


 

When Momma ain't happy..........

You all know that phrase: "When Momma ain't happy; ain't nobody happy."   If you were living at my house yesterday, you could have seen that phrase acted out in full living color....with audio. Maybe we should hit 'mute' on the audio portion.
I was one 'pissed pup' or mom or parent or advocate or any of the terms you want to fill in there and I was beyond angry at Kalisha. She knew she was in trouble because the minute she came in the door (before I had a clue what she had been up to) she was talking about how she needed to return items. That's a big clue to the fact that she has just purchased things she knows I will be upset about and she will have to return them.

Kalisha has been in "Tincaps (a minor league baseball team in out town) Mode" for most of the summer. She has been to several games, saves the plastic cup from her drink, washes it and uses it for something at home. She has purchased a head band,

4 t-shirts and a sweatshirt at the team store AND she won the pitcher's team jersey at one game. (You can read about that story here: www.moms.fortwayne.com at the blog titled: Not Different Enough.)
That would seem to be enough of one team's shirts, to me. Not so, Kalisha. She becomes so wrapped up in one thing, so focused, that all common sense and reason go out the window.
She has to make a wish list before the first of each month describing the items she would like to purchase that month. Then we discuss it and which things are the most important to her and which ones she can afford. This month she wanted, among the usual DVDs, a Tincaps jersey; not a t-shirt, but a $69 jersey and a Johnny doll (he's the team mascot). I nixed the jersey, saying it was just too expensive and I vetoed the doll trying to convince her it would just gather dust on a shelf in her room.
I did concede to the red t-shirt.
She got on the bus on Monday to buy the red shirt. Once she is in the store, I have to have it hysteria takes over and she comes home with these.

 

The total for these 4 items was around $75. While I am yelling about that, she tells me they didn't have a jersey in her size at the store, so she ordered it online, PLUS she had the pitcher's # put on it, which only totaled $98. Damned I-phone. You don't have to wait until you get home and become rational again....no, just do it on your phone.

Okay, here's the deal. My rationality went right out the window and the 'you-know-what' hit the fan. She doesn't have that kind of money to spend and even if she had a million, it is still too much and too many shirts and jerseys and etc. etc. etc.

She immediately went back online and cancelled the jersey. Now she is taking everything else except the red shirt back. The deal was when she sold her I-pod, she could use those funds to buy the jersey. She, unfortunately thinks like so many other 'normal' people and is sure she will sell that I-pod, so she will just buy the jersey now. How many people do you know who buy a house or something contingent upon selling something else?? Yes, we are all guilty, so in that respect, she is like everyone else. At the same time, she disobeyed and the consequences are rolling in.
She cannot have her debit card for anything for a long time, she has to cancel her PayPal account, she gets a bit of cash each week; nothing more. I will keep her cash in a safe place and not in her checking account.
This is all a bit humorous today, but I can tell you in no uncertain terms it was not humorous yesterday and if you have any doubt about that, you can ask Kalisha.

Know anyone who wants a perfectly good I-pod? 16 Gigs

You Did What?

Kalisha was talking about attending Disney On Ice which is coming to our town in the next few weeks. Hearing about it made me remember one of the funniest and strangest things that Kalisha has ever been part of. It is making me laugh just thinking about it.

First, I have to tell you Kalisha has an acquaintance named Mary (names have been changed to protect some people LOL). Mary loves to go to all kinds of things at the Coliseum: country concerts, circus, Disney On Ice, etc. She does not drive and likes Kalisha to accompany her because they are friends AND I will provide transportation.

The first time Kalisha went was quite an event. First, she came walking out with a T-shirt, a Woody cup, a bracelet and a few more items. When I dropped Mary off at her house, I asked Kalisha how much she spent. She wasn't sure, but she had the receipt. The total was $83.57. I was not a happy camper. She agreed to the fact we were going to call the company the next day and see if we could return some things. (I have to say I was very skeptical of having any luck, but they were extremely gracious and said if we shipped it back, they would refund the money...and they did!)

Back to my story: Kalisha was allowed to keep the shirt and one other thing. As she sat there, a little disconsolate about returning things, she said, "Well, the other thing I have to tell you is that all the skaters came past and shook my hand when the show was over."

I knew something was not right. Why would they do that? I cautiously asked, "Kalisha, your seats weren't close to the ice. How did they shake your hand?"

"Well, Mary didn't like our seats, so she asked an usher for a wheelchair and had me set in it. Then she told them I was blind and they let her push me into the handicapped seating area, as close as we could get. I guess somebody told the skaters I was blind and they all came past when the show was over."

I was speechless. If you know me at all, you know I am never speechless. I could just see it happening and I wanted to laugh until my sides hurt, but first, we discussed the fact that it was a lie and dishonest. She knew it was and I could tell she was feeling bad about the whole thing.

This all came back to me today when she said Mary wanted her to go with her to Disney On Ice. She immediately added, "Well, I won't ever let her put me in a wheelchair again."

I laugh every time I think of it or tell someone the story.

The Last Chapter Of The Story

I don't believe I have ever written 2 posts for this blog in one day, but I will today.

Kalisha was scheduled to have her wisdom teeth removed this morning, but her appointment was cancelled. She was so excited because when she checked the website, it told her the engagment ring had been delivered to her boyfriend's house. She saw him on the bus this afternoon and then got off at his bus stop to go to his house.

She wasn't home at her usual time, but soon I heard her come in.
"Mom, can you come down here, please. Mike's mom is here."
I was thinking a million thoughts as I went down the stairs. I glanced at Kalisha's hand and saw she had the ring on, but I really didn't know what to expect.

His mother told me she didn't know anything about the ring and she said her son was definitely not marriage material. She told me he would never be married. She explained he was a hugger and a kisser and friendly to everyone. Kalisha explained that he called her his fiance and told everyone they were going to get married. His mother said he didn't even know what the word fiance meant. (I am not so certain of that, but it doesn't matter)

She was very kind and told Kalisha that she (Kalisha) was much too high functioning for her son. He wouldn't know what marriage or dating meant. That did explain a few things, like his reluctance to go to a movie or out for pizza, etc. We talked for a while and then she left.

Kalisha stood there and looked at the ring on her finger.
 "So, we can just be friends when I see him, Mom? No more holding hands or kissing, huh?" Then she started to cry a little.

We sat on the couch and talked and cried and hugged and laughed a little for a long time. She put the ring back in the box and said she would return it and get her money back.
She avoided the pain of having her teeth removed, but had her heart broken, instead.

 I don't think Kalisha is in any way ready for marriage, either. Several days ago, we discussed, at length, how she has been all excited about many things in the past: volunteering at the zoo, working at McDonald's, volunteering at the animal shelter, etc. but then after a while, she was ready to be done. It wasn't exciting any longer. I tried to make her see that once the excitement of all the preparations for marriage are over, it isn't always exciting any longer, either. I always knew it probably would never come to a marriage, but I thought it might make them both happy for a little longer and he was an individual who would not harm her, as some had.

I'm not certain if she is sad about the relationship being ended or if it is the loss of a dream that hurts her. She seldom cries, but it makes me cry for her. I think she was in love with the idea of being in love.

She has recovered, as she always does, and is talking about going to a group meeting of a social group of young people like her. She has resisted attending, but I think she may be ready now.

God always knows the end of the story, doesn't he? I have a poem/prayer given to me by an eighty-four year old lady. She said she prayed it every night before she met her husband. Kalisha said , "Find that prayer, Mom. I guess I will pray it, too."

A Maiden's Prayer

 

Dear wise and loving God above

Show me the man that I should love.

May he be good and kind and true

May he have faith and believe in you.

Grant him a smile for each tomorrow

May he have wisdom in joy and sorrow.

Let him have faults, dear Lord, you see

I don't want him too much better than me.

But may he be steady, firm and sure

that the hardships of life he may endure.

But this above all, dear God I ask

as I give unto you this task.

First, dear Lord, he must love you

And then may he find, he loves me too.

The Ring, The Ring

As you know, Kalisha is in love with a young man. They see each other on the bus every day. She gets on usually just to see him when he is on his way home from work at ARC. So-o-o, in reality, they only get to talk for about 20 minutes, Monday through Friday.

She has called him one time at home, after she found his number through whitepages.com, but she doesn't want to upset his mother, so she only called once. She doesn't really know if it would upset her or not, but she is choosing to be cautious (yea, Kalisha).

He calls her his fiance and tells everyone on the bus that they are going to get married. Kalisha believes if you are going to be married, you should have an engagement ring.
So far, so good.......except he wasn't getting one for her. He said he wanted to, but didn't know how or when.

Kalisha to the rescue. She just went to the Wal-mart website on her phone and found one. She pulled up the picture for him to see. Yes, he liked it and the price of $30 was something he could afford. She told him to just go online and order it. (So simple to her, very foreign to him.) He told her he didn't know how to do that so she would have to do it.

 She came home and asked if I knew what size ring she wore.
"Why do you want to know?" I asked, although I was pretty sure I knew why. She told me the whole story. We talked about how it should be up to the man to order the ring, not the woman. She countered with the fact that he told her to order it and he would pay her back when it came to the store. Okay, I found a 'ring-sizer' I had, so she knew what size she needed.

Kalisha came downstairs a little later and told me she had ordered it and it was being shipped. I asked if they were going to get on the bus when it came to the store and go  pick it up.
"Well, Wal-mart wouldn't ship it to the store; they needed an address, so I had it shipped to his house."
My jaw dropped a little. My first thought was if Kalisha was worried about upsetting his mother by calling his house, I wondered how his mom would feel about having an engagement ring sent to her house. Kalisha promptly put a picture of it on FB. I told her I thought she should wait until he gave it to her before she did that. Too late.

She stewed about it all week-end.
 "What if he's mad at me for sending it to his house?"
"Do you think his mom will be mad about it?"
Finally, she wrote out what she was going to say to him on Monday. She decided to tell him that if he didn't want to give it to her, she would return it. If he wanted to keep it and give it to her in a few months, that would be okay, too.

When she came home on Monday, my first question was, "So, how did he take the news that a ring was going to be delivered to his house?"
"He was really excited and said he couldn't wait and his mom will be really excited, too."  (I hope excited is the correct word for how she will feel.)

In Kalisha's defense, she was between a rock and a hard place. He told her she would have to order it because he didn't know how, then W-M refused to send it to the store and she had to put in an address.

 **Perhaps Kalisha is on to something. If there are some ladies out there who can't get their significant other to propose, they should just order the ring and have it sent to his house. LOL

The ring won't get there until Friday, so once again...stay tuned. I will write the next chapter.

Kalisha's Birthday Party

Kalisha had a birthday last week. The actual day was a great success. She started her day by volunteering at the food bank, where the nice ladies gave her a dozen cupcakes. I was surprised when she got up willingly and went without a complaint. I thought she would surely use her birthday as a reason not to go.

Then we went to look for a new Indianapolis Colts stocking hat. One of the ones with the 'braids' hanging off the ear flaps. We found two: one had a 'mane' on the top. I let her pick and thankfully, she chose the other one.

Our next stop was a local Mexican restaurant where we had the best server in the world and where the entire wait staff came out to sing to her. That evening, I made her favorite dinner. All in all, a great day.

Yesterday, however, was a totally different story. It started with her not wanting to get up. She was scheduled to be a greeter at church and since that is a 'commitment' it qualified for losing all electronics and phone if she didn't go. After a text to her BC, who agreed with me, she got ready and got in the car. As we are going, she tells me, "My commitment is only to greet. When I am done, I will go sit in the car. I can hear pastor's sermon and the music from the parking lot." RIGHT!

The situation digressed from there. She told everyone who would listen all about her troubles. Part of me doesn't care that she tells everyone and part of me, (if I'm honest) gets really ticked off when she does that; especially to people who may not understand the situation very well.

She was supposed to have a 'family' birthday party in the afternoon. I had baked a cake and we had ice cream, etc. She had all of her Colts plates, forks, napkins, etc from another year to put on the table.

Because she was being bullheaded, she didn't help with one single thing. She didn't put things on the table, get the cake out, put candles on it, nothing.

Then she invited her friend, who I was sure was only invited because Kalisha wanted a McDonald's gift card and this friend had said she would get her one. She was chronologically celebrating her 29th birthday, but emotionally, it was still all about the gifts and she was being 10 or 12. When she thought her friend wasn't going to come through with the gift card, she called her dad and told him she wanted a McD's gift card. By this time, I was thinking she might not live to see another birthday. (Just kidding, ok?)

Well, all things come to an end and so did her obstinance. We had a good laugh at her attempts to blow out the candles. I'm not sure if that qualifies as a small motor skill or not, but it took at least 25 trys to blow out 18 candles. Obviously, blowing just air is not something she does well. She can't whistle either.

It was, at best, an emotionally draining day for me, and probably for her, too. I really dislike it when we are at odds with each other. She never yells (unlike me); maybe it would be better if she did. She just becomes totally obstinate and unreachable. No matter what you say, she has these 'blinders' on and only thinks in the moment.

We do not go to bed angry with each other. We usually talk about the situation and both ask for forgiveness and go on. That's what it's all about, isn't it? Just keepin' on, keepin' on.

Say It Like It Is

Kalisha loves to talk to people. This is somewhat unusual for someone with autism, but she was raised in a family where no one had ever met a stranger. I am happy that she has mastered this social skill....for the most part.

She doesn't always think before speaking. I realize that many typical people have the same problem, but she can inadvertently say some things that she probably shouldn't. We have a term we use when anyone is saying something that definitely should not be repeated; a surprise of some sort or something that would hurt someone's feelings or something that is simply no one's business, such as financial things.

We call it a "Las Vegas" conversation. She totally understands that terminology and I never worry about her breaking the trust. Occasionally, she will ask, "So, is this a Las Vegas conversation?"

Sometimes, however, she just starts talking about something to someone and even if I try to head her off, it doesn't always work. Yesterday, was an example of what I mean. We were at the checkout counter of a small store. There was no one else in line; just us and the 2 people working at the checkout.

Credit: sunnyd_57 (cc)

Kalisha spotted a magazine with a picture of Tim McGraw on the cover. She knows I really like Tim McGraw and she loves to tease me about that.

"You better buy it, Mom."
"No, it's okay. I don't need it."
"Yes, you do. I bet there's a bigger picture inside."

Now, the checkout girl is getting in on it. She opens it up to the whole layout. Some really nice pictures, I must say.

"Look Mom. A bunch of pages and pictures."

The man at the other register makes a comment about Tim getting his life together when he quit drinking. Kalisha says, "He used to drink? I didn't know that. Did you know that, Mom?"

Then she tells them, "My mom just loves Tim McGraw. If he wasn't married to Faith Hill, my mom would like to marry him."

They are all talking about me as if I am not standing there and I can't seem to get a word in anywhere.

Finally, I interrupt this jolly conversation, "I think I am definitely too old for him, Kalisha, but I do like listening to him and he isn't hard to look at either."

As we leave the store (without the magazine) she is still talking about Mr. McGraw and how she knows what she is getting me for my birthday. I sure do hope it is just the magazine and not the real thing. With her powers of persuasion, she might be able to pull it off.

I suppose I had better make sure I am dressed and have my hair combed each morning from now until the end of February, just in case. LOL

I Have No Friends...

Kalisha has had a couple of amazing weeks. She has been up and down, all over the place. She wrote a post on FB that was long enough for an epistle. She was so depressed that she had no friends and no one wanted to be her friend because she was a 'special needs' person, etc. etc. She did a really good job of writing and had many, many, many comments from people who do like her and are her friends.

This was all precipitated by her not hearing from a certain person that she desperately wanted to be her friend (see the previous post). She posted after I went to bed, so I didn't see it until the next day. Let me tell you, it's always exciting when someone calls me in the morning and says, "Wow, that was a great post Kalisha put on FB." It's kind of scary, actually!

Well, her lamenting was for nothing because the person she wanted to call, did call, and asked to take her to Applebee's for lunch. She also promised Kalisha a surprise for last Saturday. Kalisha was so excited and nervous. The surprise was a mani-pedi. She had never had a pedicure before and came home with lovely fingernails and toenails...painted blue and white, of course.

So she went from the 'pits' to the clouds. Another friend stopped by just to visit for a while, and she had a phone call from a friend she had not seen for a long time (and none of these friends had read her post on FB!)

Isn't it amazing how God knows what we need?

Last Sunday we went to the Fort. She asked pertinent questions of the presenters and we had a great time. We watched the Colts game and then the Broncos. We just have to watch Peyton, y'know!

On Tuesday, I took her to see the new Citilink bus station. It didn't open until today, but she was so excited, so I took her picture.

However, when I asked her to participate in a cooking program at Bethesda Communities, a class that she has been talking about, she returned to her funk. She said she couldn't go for 4 hours on a Friday. That is her day to sleep in and she can't possibly get up and go somewhere by 9:30 in the morning. She has also resisted going to a meeting once a month for young people with Asperger's Syndrome.

She likes to complain about no friends, being bored, nothing new to do, blah, blah, blah. But it's easier to complain than to do something about it. (In that aspect, she is quite normal, isn't she? We would all, at times, rather complain than do something about it.)

Well, today was the day! The bus terminal was open for business. She was so excited, she could hardly stand it. She left home at 11 a.m. and returned at 5:30 p.m. She told me she used the new restroom, she read the 'arrival-departure' board, and she rode many of the routes so she would know where those buses parked, etc. She texted me in the middle of her day and said, "I am having so much fun."

Hmm...maybe if we could have meetings, classes, and appointments on the bus, then she would go without complaint ;o)