New Material

I realize I haven't posted to this blog for nearly 3 months. It has been a busy summer, among other reasons. I have many new stories to share with you; involving Kalisha, the romance novels I'm writing, a party and drinking Jello shots, having teeth removed, plans moving forward to move out, hooking up the new cable box and some unfiltered phrases she used, but today, I will tell you about the most recent because I might forget. (What?? No, not me.)
It just so happens that I had a 'date' with a gentleman for coffee last week and I am going to dinner with him on Friday. This is new territory for Kalisha and she is quite funny.
She always sees her boyfriend, Daniel, on Fridays at cooking class and once a month, they go on a date. She was thrilled that she and I would both be 'going out' this Friday.
Then she asked if my friend was my boyfriend. I told her, "No. You have to see someone more than once or twice, to call them your boyfriend." (I understand the term BOYfriend may not be correct, either way, but she identified with it.)
Yesterday, we went shopping at the mall for a short time. She wanted to go, so while we were there, I looked for a new top to go with a black skirt I have.
Our shopping conversation:
Me: I'm going to look in my closet first because I don't see anything I like. But if I come back, I'll make sure you come with me because I need your...
K: ...fashion opinion.
Me: Yes, that's correct. (I realize I'm taking fashion opinions from a person who only wears Colts and Tincaps shirts, but believe it or not, she is very good at saying the truthful opinion about my clothing choices.)
Me: I don't see anything that looks like something I would wear. They all look like night shirts I would wear to bed."
K: Are you planning on going to bed?
Me: What?!? No. That also takes more than coffee and a few hours of conversation.
K: Oh, okay.

This will be a great adventure, I can tell. Stay tuned.

Elation to Deflation

Kalisha is a list maker. She not only makes lists of the things she wants, but she makes a list of the gifts she is purchasing for others. Her Christmas gift list includes her friends and relatives; she makes no differentiation based on who will be able to buy her one in return.

She had every name and gift written down with the price and where she would buy it. No discount stores for this girl; she wanted to be a 'real Christmas shopper' and go from place to place at the mall. Her budget was discussed with her BC and me. She was all set.

We started by having lunch at Coney Island (her choice, not necessarily mine) then to Apple Glen for a few small things, then to Glenbrook Mall. She hopped out of the car and was gone before I locked the car. This was her day and we know, it ALL had to be purchased on one day. I bought a cup of coffee, found a good "people watching' spot and waited for her.

She found me; her hands full of bags and the most elated look on her face. Her cheeks were rosy, she was smiling from ear to ear and was breathless. She could hardly wait to tell me about her purchases. She got everything on the list, including a $17 pillow for a friend who is never going to be able to spend even $1 on Kalisha. But that is okay; it was what the friend said she wanted. She bought a $25 Sears gift card for her dad and his wife.

It was fun seeing her so happy and I was smiling as much as she was. We went to the lockers so she could retrieve her coat. I said, "Turn around so I can take a picture."

I was so busy checking my phone to see if the picture turned out okay, I didn't notice the package on the ground. When we got home and were retrieving packages from the trunk, she asked, "Where is my Sears package?"

It was nowhere to be found. I drove back to the mall, she went to Sears and the mall office and left her name and number in case someone would turn it in. She was devastated; it nearly ruined the whole experience for her. I felt so bad for her; the disappointment was palpable.

She learned several things: Put small bags inside big bags so they don't slip out of your hands and always put receipts inside your purse instead of the bag. (If Sears had the receipt, they could have cancelled the card and issued a new one)
We discussed the positives: Perhaps the person who found it could really use it for a gift for a child or someone who needed it. AND it was $25 and not $50 or $100.

She has recovered and has everything already wrapped and under her little tree in her room.

She has moved on and accepted it for what it is. Perhaps we could learn a lesson from Kalisha.

So...basically, I'm lying to America.

To say Kalisha doesn't always 'think things through' is an understatement. She is often a shoot from the hip kind of girl. Today's post is about yesterday, when she definitely gave me no warning of her actions.
In the morning, Kalisha's BC, (behavior consultant,) was here and we discussed what and how much, she could spend on Wednesday, when her check was deposited to her checking account.
At 11:00, my friend, Patti, came for a visit. Around noon, I called Kalisha to come have lunch with us. Following, is the conversation for the next 20 minutes.

Kalisha: "I can't eat right now because a reporter from Channel 15 is coming to interview me."

Me: "Really? What for?"   ( I was hoping they were finally going to interview her about the book I wrote about her.)

Kalisha: "About shopping on Cyber Monday."

Me: "How did she find you?"

Kalisha: "Well, she is my friend on FB and she asked if anyone who was shopping online today would want to be interviewed and I said I would."

Me: "When are they coming?"

K: "She said they would be here in 5 minutes."

Me: "What!? 5 minutes? You should have had a shower and washed your hair, don'tcha think? Besides, you aren't shopping today. Remember, you can't shop until Wednesday."

Patti: "If you say you are shopping today and you aren't, that's a lie, right?"

K: "So, basically, you are saying I am lying to America."

Patti and me: "Yep. That's about it. Why don't you text her and tell her not to come?"

K: "She's probably on her way."

(Here is where Kalisha's desire to be on TV overtook her always honest personality.)

Me: "Okay, but you have to be interviewed on the front porch (enclosed) or outside; not in here."

K: "Why not inside? I thought you liked our house."

Me: "I love our house, but would prefer to have a bit of notice before having a TV camera inside."

Patti: (trying to convince her) "Besides, if people see some things in your house, they might decide to find your house and steal something"

Me: "Okay, I know you don't ever want to lie, so as soon as they are gone, transfer some money to your checking account and buy the things you were going to buy on Wednesday."

THIS IS NOT THE ACTUAL CREW OR STATION

Okay, they came, interviewed her (I did not go out; this was her 'deal') and she came in and ate lunch. She transferred the money and bought the items she wanted. We waited...Kalisha, excitedly, and me, with a bit of trepidation...for the 6pm news. There she was, on the front steps.

Later, I asked, "Did they ask to come inside?"
Kalisha: "Yeah, but I told them my mom was afraid someone would steal our furniture."  Oh good grief

*If you knew how old our furniture is, you would find that especially hilarious.
I am going to e-mail that sweet reporter today and try to explain.

There's That Word "Normal" Again.

Kalisha has often expressed the desire to be normal. Yes, I know all the cliche' answers: normal is a setting on your dryer, no one is normal, what is normal, on and on. It may be a word we can't define, totally, and each of us may have different ideas about the definition, but for Kalisha, it means several things and none of them have to do with intelligence.

For her, normal means doing what other people do. She would love to have a driver's license and a boyfriend and go to college. Those are her 'normals' because that is what she believes 'normal' people do.

Last week I went to IL for a writer's conference. I was only gone for 2 1/2 days. Due to some circumstances beyond my control, I had to leave Kalisha's debit/credit card with her. *You can read more about that here: Not Different Enough blog @ www.moms.fortwayne.com

 

  I realized I was on pretty thin ice by doing that; however, she has become much more responsible about money, and I had no choice this time. My preconceived perceptions came to a screeching halt when she texted me and said, "My checking acc't. is overdrawn. What should I do?" Knowing the balance before I left, I had near apoplexy. What did she buy????

The previously mentioned blog post will answer that question. I want to tell you what she told me when I returned home. She was filled with 'buyer's remorse' and we returned nearly all of it, but as we drove home, she said, "It just made me feel so normal, Mom, to be able to go shopping and buy things like other people do."

 

That statement broke my heart. I want her to feel normal, too.

 

Before you think she never gets to buy anything, I want you to know she does buy 'stuff.' Quite a bit, actually. I believe the fact she was alone; I wasn't looking over her shoulder and advising her about the cost or savings or whatever. That's what made her excursion feel normal.

 

I try to allow her many independent outings, but I really do hover when she has her debit card in her hand. It isn't so much the money she is spending (although that is certainly a factor). We discussed the concept of being 'good stewards' of our money, as God tells us to be. I told her even if she had $1000 in her checking account, I would still advise her to be smart about what she purchases. Not all 'deals' are good deals and not every B1G1F is a good deal. $6 coloring books are not a good deal.

 

I don't want her to be a Scrooge, pinching every penny and not being generous, but I do want her to learn to be a bit wiser about spending. There must be a middle ground;  where she can feel 'normal.'

When It's Over, It's Over

Kalisha meets with her BC (behavioral consultant) every Monday morning at our house. I leave them alone, but occasionally Kalisha will call me into the living room if there is something we all need to agree on or if the discussion is about a new 'plan' of behavior or consequence that I need to be aware of. This BC is absolutely the BEST on the planet. She and Kalisha have been together for 5 years and she knows Kalisha and her behaviors better than I do; in fact, she has to explain them to me, sometimes.

This post is about one of those times. As well as I think I understand Kalisha and know her inside and out, I don't always 'get it.'

When she was about 9 years old, she was asked to compete in Special Olympics, which she did. She had a good time, won a few medals and went home.

Special Olympics