There's That Word "Normal" Again.

Kalisha has often expressed the desire to be normal. Yes, I know all the cliche' answers: normal is a setting on your dryer, no one is normal, what is normal, on and on. It may be a word we can't define, totally, and each of us may have different ideas about the definition, but for Kalisha, it means several things and none of them have to do with intelligence.

For her, normal means doing what other people do. She would love to have a driver's license and a boyfriend and go to college. Those are her 'normals' because that is what she believes 'normal' people do.

Last week I went to IL for a writer's conference. I was only gone for 2 1/2 days. Due to some circumstances beyond my control, I had to leave Kalisha's debit/credit card with her. *You can read more about that here: Not Different Enough blog @ www.moms.fortwayne.com

 

  I realized I was on pretty thin ice by doing that; however, she has become much more responsible about money, and I had no choice this time. My preconceived perceptions came to a screeching halt when she texted me and said, "My checking acc't. is overdrawn. What should I do?" Knowing the balance before I left, I had near apoplexy. What did she buy????

The previously mentioned blog post will answer that question. I want to tell you what she told me when I returned home. She was filled with 'buyer's remorse' and we returned nearly all of it, but as we drove home, she said, "It just made me feel so normal, Mom, to be able to go shopping and buy things like other people do."

 

That statement broke my heart. I want her to feel normal, too.

 

Before you think she never gets to buy anything, I want you to know she does buy 'stuff.' Quite a bit, actually. I believe the fact she was alone; I wasn't looking over her shoulder and advising her about the cost or savings or whatever. That's what made her excursion feel normal.

 

I try to allow her many independent outings, but I really do hover when she has her debit card in her hand. It isn't so much the money she is spending (although that is certainly a factor). We discussed the concept of being 'good stewards' of our money, as God tells us to be. I told her even if she had $1000 in her checking account, I would still advise her to be smart about what she purchases. Not all 'deals' are good deals and not every B1G1F is a good deal. $6 coloring books are not a good deal.

 

I don't want her to be a Scrooge, pinching every penny and not being generous, but I do want her to learn to be a bit wiser about spending. There must be a middle ground;  where she can feel 'normal.'

You'll have A Good Time

Kalisha isn't the kind of person or personality that jumps right into some new idea or activity. There is always a lot of trepidation; in this case a boatload of it (pun intended).
She had a chance to go on a group activity: a paddlewheel boat ride. At a lake not too far away, there is a historic replica of a Mississippi River paddlewheel boat called The Dixie. It is double-decker and only travels at 6 mph. around Lake Webster. The ride takes 1 hour and 15 minutes, approximately.

She thought about it and decided she was not going. I try not to force her to do something if she is dead set against it or has good reason not to; fear, failure, danger, etc. After all, I would probably dig my heels in and refuse to go ice skating or sky diving, no matter how many times I was told, "Oh, you will have a great time."

Her Behavioral Consultant and I tried to assuage any fears or apprehensions she might have.
"I don't want to wear a bathing suit."
You don't have to. You aren't going swimming.
"I don't like the smell of lake water."
The boat will be moving through the water and you aren't setting down by the water, like in a speedboat.
"It will be so hot. I don't like the heat."
She had us on this one. The forecast called for 90+ temps.
"Who is going?"
There will be about 20 of you and you know all of them.
Finally, under duress, she agreed.
As I said, I don't usually 'force' her to go, but I know Kalisha so well and she would have been kicking herself in the butt later, if she didn't go. I knew she would enjoy it AND SHE DID. She wasn't even sunburned.
She had a great time. I wish I could show you the picture of all of them with the Captain, but I don't have permission from parents and guardians so I can't. This picture is the top deck of The Dixie.