More Is Not Always better

In the last two weeks, Kalisha has done some crazy things in her shopping adventures. It seems she makes great progress, has all her ducks in a row and then shazamm...things are back at square one.

She recently attended the DeKalb County Fair with her boyfriend and each of their staff people. When she came home, I asked if she had a good time. She said they did and they had a good lunch while there.
"So what do you have in the paper bag," I asked.
"Oh, just some doughnuts for us to share."
"Good. I'm hungry for something sweet. May I have one?"
"Sure," she replied.
I opened the bag and was rather amazed at the amount of doughnuts inside.
"Kalisha, how many doughnuts did you buy?"
"Just a dozen. They looked really good and I thought we could all share."
Right...a dozen doughnuts in a house that tries not to eat many sweets.

So yesterday, I met two friends for lunch. Kalisha wanted me to drop her off at the mall while I visited. When I picked her up, several hours later, she said she ate at Chick-Fil-A. She had a chicken sandwich and fries AND their nuggets.
"Why did you get a sandwich and the nuggets?"
"I don't know. I guess I was hungry."

Later, we went grocery shopping. Grocery shopping with Kalisha is always an adventure. We have been working on her spending and selection skills for-evah...or so it seems to me and probably to her, too.
We each had a cart; I had a large one and she had a small one. She met me and had only 3 boxes of cereal and some grapes in her cart.
"Should I get some of that yogurt that is on sale?" she asked.
"Sure," I told her as she headed to the dairy case.
She came back and her cart was filled with Yoplait yogurt containers.

"How many did you get?" I asked.
"Six of every flavor."
I was doing some fast calculating in my head and even at .39 each, that was going to be a staggering sum because there must be 15 flavors.
"You can't get that many," I told her. "Where are we going to put them all?"
"I don't know but I'll put them back, Mom."

Off she went to put them back. Wouldn't you like to be the one working in the dairy department and having to put them all back in the correct flavor spaces??? It's called job security.

So I expect her to return with maybe 12 or so. No. She only has 4.
"Kalisha, you can get more than 4."
"No, it's okay. I'll get some more another day."

Some day, we are going to conquer the spending "thing."

Cookies? What Cookies?

Apple I-phone 6s Plus

As you probably all know, Kalisha is a phone junkie. She loves her phones and in case you think she doesn't make good use of her phone...think again.
She rarely uses her laptop; all things are done on her phone. It is her constant companion. She can find anything, watch movies and TV programs on it. She buys and sells things on e-bay on it and she uses social media, especially FaceBook.
Her list of 'apps' is impressive and she has about a million pictures stored.
Now, while that is all good, the bad part is she always wants the latest and greatest new one. They are quite expensive so she has been to the Verizon store to inquire about trading her present phone in and how much they would give her for it. She is quite a 'haggler' or as I suspect, she just talks them to death and they give her what she wants so she will go home. LOL
This time, she has stipulations before she can buy a new phone. Her Behavior Consultant and I (and Kalisha) made an agreement as to when she can have a new one. First, her present one has to be paid for. She pays a certain amount each month toward the balance through Verizon. Her present balance is $249.14.
Sooo, she has to accumulate that much money before she can finance the one she wants: the Apple I-phone 6s Plus.
If you see her, don't waste your breath trying to talk her out of it. She will not be deterred. Several people have told her they like their Samsung phones (what she currently has) better that Apple (which she had before the Samsung). Are you following along here???? It doesn't matter to her what they like; she wants this one and she is going to raise that money if it kills her (and me, possibly)
She has set the middle of August as her deadline because I am going to be gone for a week and she wants her phone before I leave.
So far, she has sold all of her Hello Kitty stuff which netted her around $35.00. She is going to add her paychecks from Parkview Field to the jar. She needs more. So today, she put 2 pair of shoes (really cute and barely worn) on e-bay. Then she put her bicycle helmet on e-bay. She no longer has a bike so why keep a helmet? I was good with all of this as long as she didn't start selling the cats and dog.
HOWEVER, yesterday she comes to me with a list. "I have 8 people already who want to buy a dozen cookies."
Me: "Cookies? Who is selling cookies?"
K: "I am. I'm charging $5 a dozen."
Me: "Really? There are people who want to buy your cookies for $5 a dozen?"
K: "Yes. And I will have more money for my phone."
Me: "Uhhh, how are you going to get the cookies to them?"
K: "I don't know. I haven't figured that out yet."
Me: "Are they all the same kind?"
K: "No. They want all different kinds."
Me: "You realize you will have to buy the ingredients to make them and that comes out of your $5, right?"
K: "Well, I guess so. Or I could use your flour and stuff."
Me: "No. That won't work. Also, where exactly did you advertise these cookies?"
K: " I posted it on FB. I said I was selling cookies for $5 a dozen and I have 8 customers already."
Me: "Do you know the board of health is going to hunt you down. You cannot sell food from an unapproved kitchen."
K: "Well, I just thought I would start my own business and make some money."

You know, some days this 'special needs' girl is just too smart for her own good.
*Never fear, she will have that $249.14 by the end of August, come hell or high water. Determination is her middle name. Of course, there might not be any furniture left in our house....

Remember the "Occasionally" Part

Before you read this blog post, please take a second to re-read the title of this website. It is "Getting It Right-Occasionally" That refers to me getting it right, occasionally...not Kalisha.
I'm going to tell you about an incident yesterday and it definitely wasn't one of the times I got it right.
Kalisha has overcome many obstacles and grown in many, many areas. She has one habit that is still particularly annoying to me. I realize it should not bother me any longer, but it does. Immensely.
She tends to have a knee-jerk reaction to some things and before doing any processing, she immediately reacts by calling everyone she can reach to get either their sympathy or their opinion. Or she just needs to talk through it. There are several people who handle this very well and some...not so well. I hate it when someone says to me, "Well, it sounds like you and Kalisha had a disagreement again" or something similar.
Even though they mean well, it makes my skin crawl. Yes, we probably did but if you don't know the whole story, just forget it.
We have discussed this and her BC and I have both cautioned her against immediately calling someone for advice. Process a bit first, Kalisha, and then if you still feel the need to talk to someone, go ahead.
Okay, here's what happened:
I returned on Thursday from 5 days in FL. She stayed home alone, knowing her sister and family live a block away and she could call Carrie, her BC, any time, day or night. She did an excellent job in those 5 days. She washed dishes, took care of the pets, emptied wastebaskets, made her own meals...the whole enchilada. AND, she only texted me to say 'good morning' and to say 'good night.'

She was unbelievably happy to see me when I walked in the front door. You would have thought I had been gone for a month. I was happy to see her, also.
The next day, we were having a normal conversation about many things, when I casually mentioned the fact that I had seen (not purchased) some good prices on tickets to fly back to FL in August.
She looked at me and said, "You might go back????"
I told her that yes I probably would, at some point. I thought that was the end of it. Five minutes later, I hear her on the phone, telling someone about how I might fly back to FL and she didn't want to stay alone again...and on and on.
Mistake #1: Yes, I should have given her some time before I mentioned leaving again.
Mistake #2: I should have asked who she was talking to.
Mistake #3: Knee-jerk reaction (she obviously gets this trait honestly)
Mistake #4: I told her I was done sharing anything with her and I was not going to be her friend anymore. I would always be her mother, but not her friend.
Mistake #5: I didn't discuss my anger with her at all; instead we went to do some errands.
I took her to our local bank branch, where everyone knows her. She went inside to deposit some money to her account while I stayed in the car. Our favorite teller came out to the car and told me Kalisha was at her window, crying. She had tried to console her but couldn't make her feel any better.
I immediately went inside to receive my "Mother of the Year" award. Geez.

*Remember, I only get it right-OCCASIONALLY.

I talked to her and hugged her, assuring her I would always be her friend, as everyone in line watched and either smiled or wished we would hurry up. I didn't care.
We discussed this for the rest of the day. I apologized and asked for her forgiveness, which she, of course, granted.
Knowing how much she values our 'friendship' and always says we are best friends, that was probably the most hurtful thing I could ever say to her. I could have told her it was definitely time to move out or anything, except saying we weren't friends any longer.
Am I contrite and beating myself up because I chose to say that? Yes. Will I hurt her again some time? I'm sure I will...I'm not dead yet, so yes, probably.
Mistakes are a part of life and we all hurt people; sometimes unintentionally and sometimes, intentionally. The saying about sticks and stones, is NOT true. Words hurt more than bruises.
Kalisha and I are best friends..we always have been and always will be. Even when either of us says stupid things.

Volunteering To Do What???

As most of you know, Kalisha likes to volunteer for various things. You probably know she is also a 'knee-jerk reaction' kind of gal.
Read about it, call for information, volunteer, and THEN, tell Mom.

Several weeks ago, she asked me if I would take her to a specific place so she could pick up her shirt, work gloves and garbage bag.  As usual, my response was something intelligent, like, "What???"
"Yeah, I'm going to do the Great American Clean-Up on Saturday and I have to pick up my stuff."
Now we are talking about the girl who isn't real fond of work of any kind and I'm pretty sure picking up litter along city streets would be on the bottom of the list if there even was a list of favorite 'work.'
Being the perceptive person I am (and having lived with Kalisha for 32+ years) I knew immediately what this was about...the T-shirt. Yes, she wanted the T-shirt. It is always a pretty cool shirt. The design includes the city of Fort Wayne in some way and this year the color was neon yellow. I told her she could direct traffic wearing that shirt, in case she ever needed to.
She did go with a group and all was well. I don't know how much trash she actually accumulated in her big black bag, but by George, she has the shirt. Mission accomplished.

Next Scenario: Kalisha tells me, "I contacted the people that run the Colts' training camp and asked them to send the information about volunteering."
Of course she did. We have attended the training camp two separate summers in the past. She has many player autographs, including Andrew Luck's. She has asked volunteers when we are there how they got to volunteer. This year she wasn't waiting around. She was on it.

They emailed the application and we filled it out together. There were many questions about what days, what hours, what groups of people she preferred working with and what jobs she would like to do.
We chose 3 days in a row, the early afternoon session and then came the list of possible duties. She was deciding what she would like the best when she read, drive a golf cart.
Her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. "Yes, Mom, that's what I want to do. Can I?"
It was difficult to answer while laughing. "Kalisha, you've been there. You've seen them. The drivers of the golf carts have to wind around all the people walking. You would mow someone down and then they would need a golf cart."
A few summers ago, her sister,  Kaylynn, being a brave soul, allowed Kalisha to drive the golf cart they own at their lake property. Kalisha drove from the lakefront up a hill to the cottage. Kaylynn was in the front seat with her and I was in the back..thank God.
Kalisha eventually made it to the top of the hill and then home but not without lots of swerving and jerking. I had visions of that when she wanted to volunteer for it at training camp.

I did manage to dissuade her from checking that box. Whew. She called Michael Limmer at Parkview Field and asked permission to use his phone number as a reference for handing out brochures since that is what she does at her job at Parkview Field. He graciously gave his consent. When we had it all filled in and scanned and sent back, she immediately called the person listed on the form and asked if it had been received. The lady was very nice and it sounded as though she has the position sewed up.

So...it seems we will be heading to Anderson in August. Kalisha is anxiously waiting for her assignment to be emailed to her.

This should be worth several more posts by that time. Yikes.

A Humorous Day At the Hospital

 

Read about another adventure

Kalisha has been having a toothache and that is putting it mildly. She had 2 teeth removed a few months ago by her dentist and although she has the highest pain tolerance of anyone I know, she literally screamed during the procedure. When she needed another one extracted because of a horrific toothache every couple of days, I was at a loss of what to do.
Her Behavioral Consultant came to the rescue by asking me if I had contacted Dr. Lee, here in Fort Wayne, IN.  No, I had not but I was willing to see anyone to get her out of this pain. She missed her volunteering and her Friday morning cooking classes because she wasn't able to go. The pain would subside during the day but recur nearly every night.
I called on Tuesday and wonder of wonders, (it's another God-thing) there was a chance of doing the procedure the next day. This dentist/oral surgeon has a large practice but two days a week, he does dental procedures for special needs individuals and he does them at a hospital under anesthesia. While the patient is sedated, ALL procedures are done at one time: fillings, cleanings, x-rays, extractions. That way there aren't multiple trips to further traumatize the patient who may already be severely apprehensive.
This wonderful man's name is Dr. Steven B. Lee and he is a dedicated, caring man.

Okay, now for the humorous part of our day. The two things Kalisha hates the most are getting up early and not eating...especially breakfast. Guess what? We had to be at the hospital at 7:30 and she could not eat or drink anything. Oh, my gosh. The attitude came on with a capital A. She was not going, I had not discussed this with her, she didn't care if her tooth hurt forever, she liked pain and she really liked laughing gas (which the last dentist used and didn't work) and she liked laughing and being funny and she wasn't going and she was going to tell them she had eaten so then they wouldn't do the procedure.
I listened to this barrage of statements for about 2 hours and then I told her she was going, she was having it done, I didn't need to ask her permission and now, BE QUIET. Yes I know, I need counseling in being a supportive parent. NOT.
By the time we arrived, she was processing the whole thing and asked me to forgive her, which I did. We met Dr. Lee (discovered we knew each other from a previous church) and he talked to her for a long time. Very encouraging and supportive. Great.

Then the nurse told her there was an opening that day and they would be able to take care of her that afternoon. **Did you catch that? Afternoon....
I wish you could have seen Kalisha's eyes when she realized there would be no food or drink until MUCH later in the day, possibly dinner time. She actually handled it pretty well, but when a woman setting across from us in the registration area unwrapped a cookie, I was afraid Kalisha might wrestle her for it. :)
I didn't eat either because I couldn't do that to her, so we were both hungry. They got her ready for surgery later in the day...IV, gown, everything so she would be ready when it was time. At one point, she told the nurse, "I changed my mind. I'm not doing this."
At one point, the nurse was discussing height and weight and physical condition with Kalisha. She asked, "Are you active?"
Kalisha replied, "You mean like sex?"
I thought the nurse was going to slide right down the front of the cabinet from laughing. In Kalisha's defense, I have to say that every time a doctor uses the word, active, it is when they are asking if she is sexually active.

 

They wheeled her away around 3pm. She came back to recovery around 4pm, looking like she had been run over by a truck; the way everyone looks when they come out of surgery. Dr. Lee explained everything and talked to her too although she doesn't remember any of it.
Okay, now it is time for me to get the car while the nurse pushes her down to the front doors of the hospital. Maybe it was my food-deprived brain or maybe not, but I got on an elevator on the 5th floor and tried to go to the ground floor. The doors closed but the elevator wouldn't go anywhere. WTH? As I am searching for a way to make it move, I read a sign that says, "Staff Elevator...Badge Required" Oh for heaven's sake, now I am hungry, thirsty and trapped on a stinking elevator! As I frantically thought of things to do, I was mentally deciding to use this scene in a future novel. (IF I didn't die on this elevator, of course)
Finally, I got it to open the doors but now I was on a deserted floor somewhere in the hospital. No people, no noises, no equipment, no beds...Yikes. I took the stairs.
I hurried because I knew the nurse and Kalisha were waiting for me. As I tried to leave the parking garage, I realized I had not had my card stamped. It cost me $5 to get out.
We made it home and she is feeling much better today.
Just another day in the life of Kalisha and Gloria...I'm going to miss these adventures when she moves out....well, maybe not.
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X-Rated....You've Been Warned

I want to give you full warning this post contains some adult words and ideas. If you think you might be offended, please don't read it. You may be asking, why I would write it. Here's the deal. For you to know how Kalisha's brain works, you have to know these things and there are no 'nice' ways to say some of them.
It's still quite humorous but geez Louise, she often says exactly what is in her head. We work on this and she usually pauses for a few seconds before saying things. Also, she has outgrown the need to say everything, and now runs most sensitive things past me first.
This is a conversation we had while driving somewhere last week.
Me: Are you and Paul (not his real name) going to the Valentine Dance on Friday?

K: Yeah. He wants me to go.

Me: Don't you want to go?

K: I do.

Me: Do the two of you actually dance?

K: Yes, we dance and kiss sometimes.

Me: Good. I'm happy you have a boyfriend.

K: Do you think we'll get married some day?

Me: I don't know. Do YOU think you'll get married?

K: Probably.

Me: Do you love him or just like him?

K: I love him but you know how I am...I get really excited about something and then after a while, I'm not interested anymore.

***She is quite introspective about many things and knows herself very well

Me: Well, that's true but you know how you are, so maybe you need to pray about it.

K: Yeah, cause I couldn't do that with marriage. I couldn't just say 'I'm tired of this and I'm done being married because marriage is supposed to be forever.'

***There are a lot of people who should take her advice.

Me: Yes, that's true. Do you and Paul ever talk about getting married?

K: Not really. His parents said he can't get married for a long time yet.

Me: Okay. Do you think he knows what being married means?

K: You mean having sex? Like when he puts _____ his_____ in _____my ______?

Me: Yes...that is an important part...but there's more to marriage than sex.

K: I wonder if he knows about sex.

Me: I don't know and I don't know how you will find out.

***WAIT FOR IT.....

K: I think the next time I see his parents, I'll say, "So, does Paul know all about sex?"

*** In Kalisha's mind, if you want to know something, the logical thing to do, is ask.

It takes a lot to rattle me when it comes to Kalisha, but the scene and the conversation she just described flashed across my mind like a meteor. I continued driving and said, "Honey, I really don't think it would be a good idea to ask that question, okay?"

K: Okay.

I warned you, didn't I?

Is It Really Christmas Again?

At our house, we definitely know the real meaning of Christmas and we celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus. However, knowing that does not preclude all the other  conversations and traditions that we have accumulated over the years.

Kalisha has the picture in her head of the Hallmark movies' 'shopping' model. She doesn't want to have WalMart bags in her hands. She wants to do the kind of shopping where she goes to the mall and emerges with beautiful bags (and lots of them) in her hands. She wants to buy for every person and friend she knows and she wants to have a Christmas party for her friends.

I understand all of that and I 'get it'...I truly do, but her plans never seem to work out as she sees them. Welcome to the real world, right?

This year, she is hung up on Bath and Body items. She has a bushel basket full of her own and assumes everyone would like the same thing she does. She even likes the B&B bags. You know, the paper bags. She posted on FB asking for anyone's extra bags from B&B.

She had each of her gifts in a cute gift bag but when she had collected enough B&B bags, she switched each one to one of those. I tried to explain these bags were shopping bags, meant to advertise B&B. She didn't care. THEN she wanted her debit card to purchase a $20 pack of these paper B&B bags from the internet. I drew the line there.
I asked "why?" I was trying so hard to get inside her head and figure what allure these bags had for her. She finally said, "I like the colors and the picture of the bears around the bottom."
So, here's what I learned from this adventure:
1) beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder...even in paper bags
2) does it really matter what she puts her gifts in?
3) the real sentiment is that she wants to buy for everyone
4) if you receive a gift from Kalisha, guaranteed it will be in one of these bags this year
5) by next year, she may be infatuated with something else
6) I think B&B should give her an advertising rebate check

I have made a deal with myself to be much more faithful about writing for this blog in 2016. Have a blessed Christmas.

Retaining History

I realize you may be tired of reading about football teams, but today we are traveling a different road, although we start out with a football team.
Yesterday, (out of the blue):

 Kalisha asked, "Are we Patriots?"

Me: "Patriots? Patriots? Really, Kalisha, what kind of question is that? I know the Colts are playing the Patriots on Sunday, but have you suddenly decided to be a Patriot fan?"

Kalisha: "No, I don't mean the football team. I mean are we patriots?"

Me: (a but confused) "I guess that depends on what you mean by a patriot."

Kalisha: "Well, in the American Girl story and movie about Felicity, she and her family were patriots. But they couldn't drink tea because that was what the people loyal to the king drank. And Felicity couldn't be friends with her best friend anymore because her friend's parents weren't patriots."

Me: "Yes, the book takes place before and during the Revolutionary War. Some people wanted to be free of England and some still wanted to be ruled by England. The Patriots supported their country and the fight for freedom."

Kalisha: "So....being a Patriot is a good thing, unless it's the football team."

Me: "You make me think and laugh, Kalisha."

Kalisha read that story 10 years ago, but remembered the fundamentals. I'm sure the football team, the New England Patriots brought the thoughts back to the forefront of her mind, but she has a great memory, is curious about what words mean and absorbs much more than what I sometimes give her credit for.

*Caution, Parents: If Kalisha retains what she reads and sees in movies, you need to be ever vigilant about what your kiddos are watching and reading.

The Colts Kid Is Back

If you read this blog occasionally, you already know Kalisha is a huge fan of the Indianapolis Colts football team. She has shirts, pants, gloves, hats, Christmas stockings, jewelry, hair accessories, winter coat, shoes, windbreaker, scarf...you get the idea.
Some time this fall, she became enthralled with Hello Kitty and everything that entails. I posted a picture of her Christmas list with 2 pages of Hello Kitty things she wanted. She has been carrying her HK wallet inside her HK purse and wearing the HK hairbands.
A few weeks ago, I noticed some Colts gear was being used again. Last weekend, when the Colts played the Broncos, she was definitely all dressed in Colts clothes.
Today, before we left for a doctor appointment, she was switching everything from her HK wallet and purse to her Colts wallet and purse. I teased her about putting the "cat" in the closet and getting the "horse" back out.
"Oh yeah," she said. "It's time to be a Colts fan again. We play the Patriots on Sunday." (As if I didn't know that)
I took these pictures of her outer layer of clothes and then the next layer of clothes. That's as many layers as we are going.

It makes me laugh because somehow, if she supports her team with every piece of Colts gear she has, it will encourage them to play better, I guess.
She changed her FB profile picture and cover photo also. She is drinking out of a Colts cup.
She is ready...I hear the Kitty crying in the closet, but for right now, it's COLTS all the way. I love seeing her this excited and if you think she doesn't know the players, their numbers, positions, the plays and how it is scored; think again. She definitely does.

Now if she could just count change...oh well.

Reading EVERY Word

Kalisha loves to read. She currently has at least 15 books checked out from the library.

 The stack on the table are the ones she is currently reading. I have written in the past how she reads 5-6 books at a time; one chapter in each one and then she starts with the first one again when it is her next 'reading time.'
She has certain times during the day when she has to read.
She also likes to read aloud. That is ok with me, most of the time. If we are watching TV together, she reads aloud during commercials, then she closes the book until the next commercial. If it is a program she doesn't care about watching, she reads to herself between commercials so I can watch it. I don't watch many programs, but as we watched the Colts game yesterday, she would read during every commercial. It is a bit annoying but probably better than the commercials anyway.

 

The ones she hasn't started yet are in her bookbag. They are there because her mother gets tired of seeing 15 books on the floor by the chair or couch.

If you are regular readers of this blog, you already know those facts. However, last week, she amazed me. She really does like words and perhaps the sound of the words swirling in her head.
I purchased a paperback for me to read this Christmas season. It is 4 stories, loosely connected from one generation to the next. It has no pictures, very small print and 397 pages. Kalisha asked if she could read it. I said, "Of course, but it might be boring for you." (I had not read it yet so I was hoping there weren't any steamy love scenes in it)

I really didn't think she would finish it and I wasn't sure if she would 'get it.'

When she used to read books I had read, such as Little House on the Prairie and Boxcar Children, I would occasionally quiz her to see if she had retained any of it. She could nearly always, give me a fairly accurate, Cliff Notes version.

She stuck with this book. She read every word, probably 50,000 at least. I was impressed. I read it one afternoon (when I start, I finish, if it holds my interest) and later asked her a few questions about some of the events. She didn't know the answers. That's when I realized part of her reading is just to see and hear the words in her head, even if the sentence structure may be difficult. This novella would have been difficult for her because due to the time periods, there were words she has probably never seen or heard. I praised her for finishing it. I don't think I would read that many chapters of something I didn't understand. It would be similar to reading a medical journal for most of us. She is my daughter for sure; she loves words. YAY

One way or another I'm gonna find ya/ I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha

The title is the lyrics to a song by Blondie. Several other artists have recorded it, also. In the song, I believe the singer's intention is to find a particular person and 'catch' them doing something.

I chose the title for a very different reason. This is Kalisha's thought process when she zeroes in on a person she desperately wants for a friend.
She is like one of those little red lasers and it is pointed at a particular person. It has been a bone of contention at our house many times in the past and it probably will be in the future. No amount of talking, discussing, explaining or threatening can unlock her laser beam mentality once it is set.

I am giving away a copy of the book I wrote about 30 years of living with Kalisha.

If you already have a copy, win one for a friend or acquaintance. If you don't have a copy, leave a comment on this blog site (not on FB) and I will randomly select a winner on Monday, July 21st. I will contact you via e-mail and send your copy in the mail.
The friend obsession and MANY other topics are in the book. I think you will enjoy it.


Several months ago, Kalisha found a young woman on the bus and decided she would be her next 'friend conquest.' She has known this person for a long time, but for some unknown reason, has just recently determined to make her into a friend.
She begins by contacting her and messaging her on FaceBook. She gets her cell phone number and calls (only at designated times; she understands boundaries). She invites her to go places and although disappointed when it doesn't happen, she won't give up.
We discuss the fact Kalisha wants this person to be her friend a WHOLE LOT MORE than she wants to be Kalisha's friend.

Kalisha does understand that. She will even repeat it, but she can't quite convince herself of it.

Don't feel sorry for Kalisha; she has a lot of friends. However, there is always that ONE that she must conquer. Does she sound like a stalker? A little bit. She invited this new person to a baseball game; even bought the tickets and I was going to be the transportation both ways. The day before the game, the friend cancelled for a flimsy reason. I was furious with the friend, but I could have predicted that happening.
Kalisha was sad for a while and extremely disappointed, but the minute the friend suggested meeting at a concert, all was forgotten and forgiven.

Kalisha has come a long way, believe it or not. When the FRIEND couldn't go to the baseball game, she called another friend and they had a good time together. In the past, she might have refused to go with anyone else or been a 'sad sack' all during the ballgame.

 There have been times in the past when she was obsessed with a CAPITAL "O" and the obsession ruled her every waking moment. She wouldn't attend any other events or volunteer or anything else. Her entire world revolved around the selected person. She has matured 98% from those days. She goes to her obligations and talks with other friends, but this 'friend' is always in the back of her mind.

 

I will let it play out as long as she isn't in danger and pray it will be a legitimate friendship. Sometimes, once the friendship is solidified, the obsession is gone.

 

*Remember to leave a comment so you will be in the drawing for a free book.

Until Blogger can fix the 'comment' box on this post, please leave a comment on my facebook page and you will be eligible for the free book. GRRRRRR

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There's That Word "Normal" Again.

Kalisha has often expressed the desire to be normal. Yes, I know all the cliche' answers: normal is a setting on your dryer, no one is normal, what is normal, on and on. It may be a word we can't define, totally, and each of us may have different ideas about the definition, but for Kalisha, it means several things and none of them have to do with intelligence.

For her, normal means doing what other people do. She would love to have a driver's license and a boyfriend and go to college. Those are her 'normals' because that is what she believes 'normal' people do.

Last week I went to IL for a writer's conference. I was only gone for 2 1/2 days. Due to some circumstances beyond my control, I had to leave Kalisha's debit/credit card with her. *You can read more about that here: Not Different Enough blog @ www.moms.fortwayne.com

 

  I realized I was on pretty thin ice by doing that; however, she has become much more responsible about money, and I had no choice this time. My preconceived perceptions came to a screeching halt when she texted me and said, "My checking acc't. is overdrawn. What should I do?" Knowing the balance before I left, I had near apoplexy. What did she buy????

The previously mentioned blog post will answer that question. I want to tell you what she told me when I returned home. She was filled with 'buyer's remorse' and we returned nearly all of it, but as we drove home, she said, "It just made me feel so normal, Mom, to be able to go shopping and buy things like other people do."

 

That statement broke my heart. I want her to feel normal, too.

 

Before you think she never gets to buy anything, I want you to know she does buy 'stuff.' Quite a bit, actually. I believe the fact she was alone; I wasn't looking over her shoulder and advising her about the cost or savings or whatever. That's what made her excursion feel normal.

 

I try to allow her many independent outings, but I really do hover when she has her debit card in her hand. It isn't so much the money she is spending (although that is certainly a factor). We discussed the concept of being 'good stewards' of our money, as God tells us to be. I told her even if she had $1000 in her checking account, I would still advise her to be smart about what she purchases. Not all 'deals' are good deals and not every B1G1F is a good deal. $6 coloring books are not a good deal.

 

I don't want her to be a Scrooge, pinching every penny and not being generous, but I do want her to learn to be a bit wiser about spending. There must be a middle ground;  where she can feel 'normal.'

That Stubborn Streak Isn't Always In Her best Interests

I used to accuse (nicely) my other 4 children of being just like their father; stubborn. Not at all like me, of course. HA
I know Kalisha has some of that too or she would never have learned to do many of the things she has. However, it is one thing to be hard-headed and another to not be able to see the results of that. If that all sounds like gibberish, I will give you an example.

The city bus system in our town offers half-price fares to people who qualify as special needs individuals. One requirement is they must go to the office and have their picture taken for an ID so they can show it to the bus driver if their half-fare is questioned.
Kalisha's ID expired a year ago, but I wasn't aware of it as she never told me she needed to have it renewed. Most of the drivers know her and never question her half-price status.

This morning, she needed to be at work at Parkview Field at 9:30, which meant she needed to catch the 9:00 bus at the end of our street. She took $3 (normal fare) with her. Soon she was coming back in the front door, madder than a wet hen.

"What happened?"

"Sammy wouldn't let me on with an expired ID."

"So now what are you going to do?"

My car was being fixed so I had no way to get her there.

Kalisha was worried she would lose her job if she was late and was trying to think of someone to call to take her. We called several people but they either weren't answering their phone or were busy. Finally, we did reach my cousin who agreed to come and get her. In the meantime, Kalisha called her supervisor and told her she would be 15 minutes late.

As we waited for Mary to pick her up, it occurred to me she could have paid the $3 regular fare and ridden the bus AND been on time.

"Kalisha, why didn't you just pay the regular fare and get on the darned bus?"

"Well, I wasn't going to pay that when I am supposed to pay half-fare."

"Don't you think it would have been better to do that and be on time than being in a panic about how you would get there and then inconveniencing Mary to take you?"

"Yeah, I guess so, but I just didn't want to pay the full fare."

Oy. The logic is lost somewhere and it becomes a 'cut your nose off to spite your face' kind of situation.

I explained that sometimes being stubborn about things is a very good thing but some times you have to think of the end circumstances.

We went to get a new ID when she came home.

The 'I Have to Know' Syndrome

Happy New Year..2014 is going to be a stupendous year. I just know it. I believe God has great plans for the 'Not Different Enough' book and for the distributing of it. It should be published by early February.
I had to put that paragraph in there because I am writing about Kalisha's need to know where, when, how, and with whom, mentality. I also would like to know exactly when the publisher will send me the copy to approve, I want to know when my friend will have the foreword written, I want to know when I can start setting dates for library signings......but, I have a bit of patience
Most of the time, I am used to Kalisha's obsession with having to know details and can head off her plans to find the answers to her questions; however, she gets ahead of me once in a while and it gets her in all sorts of trouble.
She volunteers in a kindergarten class at one of the Lutheran schools in Fort Wayne, every Tuesday morning. A community staff person from Bethesda Lutheran Communities picks her up, stays with her at her volunteering and then delivers her back home.
Over the past several days, our area has been hit with a huge amount of snow ( 12+ inches) and some blowing and drifting.

The temperatures are also well below zero. Kalisha personally knows one of the kindergarten students and her parents, so she texted the parent on SUNDAY already and asked if she thought there would be school on Tuesday.
I explained that the decision to cancel or delay school is not determined by any parent, teacher, custodian or other school personnel. The decision is made by the superintendent and the transportation department. She told me she understood.
Then she called her staff person and asked if she thought the kids would go out for recess if it was below zero. (She accompanies them to the playground; hence, the need to know) Her staff talked about the roads and the impassibility and told her they wouldn't be able to go if she couldn't drive on the streets. Kalisha took that as a 'for sure' kind of proclamation and immediately called the Bethesda supervisor to say she wouldn't be able to volunteer on Tuesday.
That got her in all kinds of trouble...with ME. I really tried to explain, again, how that is not her job to make those calls or those decisions. She agreed and was sorry.
Today she sent a text to the kindergarten teacher to let her know she would not be there on Tuesday. When I became exasperated with saying the same thing, over and over, she said, "Well, I thought volunteering was supposed to get me ready for having a real job and if this was a real job, I would have to let my boss know I wasn't coming in."
To which I replied, "That is true; however, at this point in time, this is not your responsibility."
I'm not always certain which disability label this falls under. I'm pretty sure it is the autism; 'control and all my ducks in a row' thing. She called the city bus company to see if the busses would be running even though she had no plans of going out in this weather. (They weren't) She checks the latest announcements and closings on her phone. By the way, the schools are all closed again tomorrow. The mall is closed, too. How do I know that? Kalisha told me.

Of course I'm too old to believe in Santa....but, maybe

I love Christmas and I dearly love Christmas with Kalisha. I have all kinds of pictures of her as a child sitting on Santa's lap. We had a neighbor who was hired by many businesses in Fort Wayne to be their Santa Claus. he had a soft spot in his heart for Kalisha and would always make a stop at our house on one of his trips. She loved it.
She would also want to talk to any Santa she saw at a store or mall, as well.

 

She wrote a letter to Santa every year for as long as I can remember. In the beginning, she would ask me to write what she wanted and she would make some marks on it. But once she learned to write, she did it all herself. She would wait to receive a return letter from Santa in the mail. It would arrive just in time and make her very happy.  

She knows in her head there is really not a Santa at the North Pole, but I believe she wants to believe there is.

After all, the Christmas movies which invade our homes every year seem to imply that he is real, don't they?

Last week, when we were standing in the lobby of a movie theater to see Frozen, a Santa was walking around the lobby talking to all the children. Kalisha waited for a while trying to decide what she should do. Finally, as he walked near us, she had to talk to him a little bit; she couldn't resist.

We went to the Festival of Trees where there is a place to visit Santa. When we were there, he was taking a break. I think she was very sad that she couldn't talk to him.

She wrote her annual letter to him again this year.   And as usual, she received a reply.          

 

Is it age-appropriate? No. Should I allow her to do it? Maybe not, but Why not? We all need a little magic in our lives, don't we? If Kalisha wants to continue to believe just a teensy bit, in Santa, am I going to insist she face reality? Nope. Some days, reality isn't so much fun for her.

 

I Simply Cannot Do This Again....

The words of the title were the words I was saying to God as I desperately pleaded for Kalisha's safe return. I realize she is going to be 30 years old and wants to live on her own, but if she were living in an apartment and disappeared for a while, I wouldn't be aware of it and therefore; ignorance is bliss.
Several years ago, Kalisha found herself in a horrible situation (there is a chapter in the book about that time so I won't expound on it here) and I did not know where she was for many days. It is a horrible feeling. If you have ever been in Wal-Mart or some other big store and suddenly realized you didn't know where your toddler or young child was, you can identify with the feeling.
Kalisha is very good about letting me know where, when, how long, etc. and she also always has her phone with her, so if I don't see her when I think she should be home, I call and she explains. I am perfectly okay with that. I don't expect to know what she is doing every SECOND of the day. She needs some freedom and I don't want to be that controlling.
This is what happened last Friday. Kalisha went to cooking class with her staff person as she does every Friday. While they were at the grocery with the other girls, she wanted to buy a $2 Disney bag. (She is the Bag Queen) The rule of cooking class is this: You are not allowed to purchase any items that are not intended for the lunch that is being prepared that day. She knows the rules, but argued with her staff about this danged bag. They couldn't talk her out of it even though she knew what the consequences would be when she got home. That 'thinking in the present, not the future' always bites her in the behind.
By the time she got home, she was ready to return the bag. Unfortunately, that didn't erase the consequences. She handed over her phone and computer for 24 hours with very little complaint.
She asked if she could walk to the Kroger store just 4 blocks from our house and return the bag and pick up her prescription. She had purchased the bag at a Kroger much further away, but I assured her she could return it at any Kroger with the receipt. I also gave her a check of mine to deposit at the bank right next to Kroger. This trip should have taken no longer than 30 minutes, even if she dawdled a bit.
After 90 minutes, I was getting anxious. It was getting dark and I couldn't call her because I took her phone, remember? I wasn't in full panic mode yet but getting there.
I called Kroger pharmacy and was told she had not picked up the prescription yet. Then I called my bank (they all know Kalisha) and was told she had not made the deposit, either. Okay, now I was in a panic. It is amazing how dependent we are on cell phones. I was having all kinds of scenarios going through my head; none of them were good.
I knew she wouldn't willingly get in a car with someone she didn't know, but she does know some weird people too and might be talked into getting in with them. I was dialing the police (I am her legal guardian and they have to try to find her regardless of her age) when the phone rang. It was a bank employee. She said the sweetest words I have heard in a long time, "Kalisha just walked in our front door."
She handed Kalisha the phone. I asked very calmly, "Where have you been?"
She said, "Well, I decided to return the bag to the store where I bought it and so I had to change busses twice. I couldn't call you; I don't have my phone."
She walked in the front door 10 minutes later with my deposit slip and her prescriptions. "I'm sorry you were worried, Mom. I didn't think it would take that long."
I'm still thanking God daily that she returned safely and there is an addendum to the consequences agreement: If you lose your phone and computer, you also lose your bus pass.
My hair is nearly all gray now, so I don't know what stress causes after graying; maybe it all falls out. Oh, yippee.

Will the Fear Ever Leave?

This morning started like almost every other morning in our sometimes too well-ordered and boring little world. (I will never think that again.) I was up fairly early, let the dog out, made coffee, read my devotions and bible, and brought the paper in. It was Wednesday, which meant Kalisha had to volunteer at the neighborhood food pantry from 8:45 - 10:45.
I clean a house every 2 weeks on Thursday mornings, but because tomorrow is the 4th and a holiday, I had agreed to come on Wednesday. I knew she was concerned about me being there to pick her up at 10:45. I assured her I would be done in time and if I was late, it would only be a few minutes.

She came down the stairs. The first words out of her mouth were, "I'm soooo tired, I don't want to go today."
"I know. I'm tired too but we both have to go."
"I really don't want to. Can I please stay home?"
"No, I'm done discussing it. You know the consequences."
(In case you don't know, if Kalisha fails to keep a commitment, she loses her phone and her computer for 24 hours.  Pure torture for her.)
"I'm not going."
"Okay."
I proceeded to get ready. She usually thinks about it for a bit and then changes her mind. Not today.
Before I left, I asked for her phone, which she handed over, and I unplugged her laptop and hid them both. I don't know why I hide them. She would never consider going to look for them.

She was still in her pajamas and setting in bed. I left for cleaning.

I arrived home at 11:00. Kalisha wasn't downstairs, but I assumed she was just ticked off and decided to stay in bed. I called her to come down for lunch but got no answer.
Suddenly, my heart was racing. I checked the closet where she keeps her shoes...gone. Her purse was still there but no shoes. I checked...she had not taken her bus pass and she didn't have any money or her debit card. I told myself she must have taken a walk. Okay, that was cool.

Now it was 12:00. Kalisha never walks that long, ever. AND, since I had her phone, I also could not call her. I was beginning to panic. I know she is 29 and she is allowed to get on the bus and go almost anywhere she wants, but I always have the lifeline of the phone.

I started imagining all kinds of scenarios because of things that have happened in the past. I got in the car and drove around the park, thinking she had walked there and sat on a bench for a while. No luck. I drove around several more blocks, all the while praying she hadn't gotten in a car with someone.

As I came around the corner by our house, she was coming across the street, smiling and waving at me. Do you remember when your child was very young and they did something frightening when they knew better and scared you to death? First, you hugged them and cried because they were safe and then you wanted to spank them for disobeying? Well, that's sort of how I felt. First, I thanked God she was safe, then I asked her where the heck she had been.

She said she thought about it after I left, decided she was wrong, took a shower, got dressed and walked to the food bank. When she was done she had to walk all the way back home. It was all very logical to her.

She apologized over and over and said she was sorry. It never occurred to her that I might be worried. After all, she knew where she was...right where she was supposed to be, at the food bank.

I consulted with her Behavioral Consultant about what I should do as far as consequences. We decided there would be no consequence this time and we discussed leaving a note the next time. She got her phone and laptop back because she did keep her commitment.

 I don't need to know where she is every minute of every day. I just need to know where she's going and when I can expect her back. When she doesn't have her phone with her, she is very vulnerable, even though she has made huge strides in being able to say, 'No.'

I don't think I will ever get over that panicked feeling when something like this happens.

Play It Again, Sam....Uh, Kalisha

Kalisha checked her phone status with Verizon a few days ago on the internet. She found that she was due for an 'upgrade' on July 1st. Woe is me.
If you are a follower or regular reader of this blog, you know Kalisha is a phone junkie. She loves her phone, takes good care of it and uses it more than her computer. It goes everywhere with her.
I used to get upset with her when she always wanted the next great phone, but I have backed off. She never buys jewelry, seldom buys makeup, and the only new clothes she wants are either Colts in the fall and winter or Tincaps (local minor league baseball team) in the spring and summer. Her phone is her 'hot button.'
She wanted to get on the bus and go to Verizon the next day. Not.
The best way to describe her tenacity and unbelievable negotiating abilities is to write this in conversation form. It gets complicated...follow closely LOL

"Kalisha, you can't buy it until your upgrade date. Before that date, it will cost you full price which is about $600. Do you have $600 dollars?"
"No, but I think I can get it early."
"The only way you can get it anytime is if you find a buyer for your 4S phone."
Later....
"Hey, Mom, I called Verizon and they will give me $140 for my 4S."
"Okay. Then your new phone would only be $60. You can probably do that."
Later...
"Mom, I found a lady on Craigslist who wants to buy an I-phone 4S and she will pay $180 for it."
"Great. Did you tell her she can't have it until the 1st of July?"
"No. But I will."
"Hey, Mom, I found an I-phone 5 on Craigslist and he only wants $150.00 for it. He says it is new and still in the package."
"If it is still in the package, it is probably hot."
"What does that mean? It's stolen?"
"Possibly."
Later....
"I called Verizon and they will give me $200 for the I-phone 5, so if I get on the bus, meet the lady and sell her mine for $140, then add $10 to it and buy the 5 from the guy for $150 and then sell that to Verizon for $200, my new phone will be free, won't it?"
(This is the kid who can't count money and can't get the right change for things)

"Oh my gosh, Kalisha. I don't know if it will be free or not. You lost me somewhere along the line. Regardless, you still can't upgrade until July 1st and you told me the Iphone 5 he has for sale is on a Sprint network. I don't know if they can switch it to Verizon."

"I'll call and find out."

"I'm sure you will."

"No, they can't switch networks but they will still give me $200 for it, so can I go buy his phone?"

"No. Where are you going to get the $150 for his phone?"

"I don't know, but he's waiting for me to let him know. He texted me and said, 'Where are you going to meet me, Sweetie?'"
"Oh hell, no, you're not going to meet him. You couldn't before but now you know why, right?"
Later...
"I found another one on Craigslist and he will sell it for $140.00. That's cheaper, right? And then I can still sell it to Verizon."
"What happened to the woman who wanted to buy yours?"
"She didn't want to wait until July 1st."
"Maybe she is related to you, Kalisha."
Puzzled..."Why?"
Finally, I said, "Here's the deal.Stop trying to buy and sell today. Just wait and you can sell your phone to Verizon for $140 and your new one will cost you $60."

Have we come full circle in this conversation yet? Wait..it gets better.

"Okay. I am getting on the bus, going to Verizon and maybe they will sell it to me. Can you loan me the $60 until the 3rd of July, just in case?"

Yesterday, I couldn't have, but today I received a writing check in the mail, so I loaned her $60 cash.
"Good idea. Go." I knew they were not going to sell it early.

My phone rings. "Mom what is the password on the account?"
"Why do you need it?"
"Just so they can look up my date and everything."
I gave it to her, knowing she did not have her debit card with her. Otherwise she might have paid the full $600 for it.

My phone rings again. "Hi Kalisha. Did they sell you the phone early?"
"No. They said they couldn't. But when I left the store, I called customer service and told them how much I wanted that phone and the lady said since I am a loyal Verizon customer, she would do it. My phone will be delivered on Wednesday and then I can take my 4S in and sell it to them. Isn't that cool?"


She came in the door, smiling from ear to ear and handed me a slip of paper. "Oh yeah, since they are going to put the price of the phone on the bill, I stopped at the bank and put your $60 back into your checking account because I knew you would need it."

"Do you know the number of my checking account???" I asked because my bank will not let you deposit anything to someone else's account unless you know the number.

"No, but they let me do it anyway."

There must be a job for this kid somwhere. In negotiations or something.

Job Search

I have been debating (with myself) what I should write about. There are many untold Kalisha stories, but usually the humorous ones or the frightening tales are what I focus on. After all, if it weren't for her peculiar habits and quirks and stubbornness and getting herself into ridiculous situations, this would be a pretty boring blog.

Occasionally, I could use a little 'boring' in regards to Kalisha. However, just about the time I think I can let my guard down, she catapults me into another 'situation.'

She has been doing her volunteer jobs very religiously. She goes to a large community 'sharehouse' on Tuesdays. She and her staff person work for 3 hours, sorting, packaging, etc.  On Wednesday mornings, she volunteers at a church food bank. On Friday mornings, she goes to cooking class. Those are her commitments. That is a very prominent word in Kalisha's vocabulary.

She enjoys all of those activities, but if I told her tomorrow, she would never have to go again, she would be okay with it. Maybe even better than okay. Probably happy.
That's why the YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR COMMITMENTS RULE is in place. If she doesn't, there is a consequence: she loses her phone and computer for 24 hours. Torture for Kalisha.

This commitment thing was also designed to help her when she gets a job, if she does, ever. She always thinks she wants one but her track record at keeping one has not been so good. In her defense, she had a really lousy job coach from one agency and she has never been fired; just decides she doesn't want to go any more.

She really wants a job right now. She has been telling her behavioral consultant and me how she has matured and how she has been keeping her commitments, etc. We have been trying to dissuade her from applying everywhere, because at the moment, she doesn't have a job coach and I'm fairly certain no employer will hire her without one.

She continues to fill out applications and turn them in or fax them or whatever she needs to do. So far, she is not depressed or discouraged when they don't call. She realizes it is a long shot.

Part of this job finding frenzy at the moment is due to her neice and nephew having jobs (they live with us at the moment) and she wants to be like them.

I'm glad neither one of them decided to join the Army or she would take the bus to the recruiter's office.