X-Rated....You've Been Warned

I want to give you full warning this post contains some adult words and ideas. If you think you might be offended, please don't read it. You may be asking, why I would write it. Here's the deal. For you to know how Kalisha's brain works, you have to know these things and there are no 'nice' ways to say some of them.
It's still quite humorous but geez Louise, she often says exactly what is in her head. We work on this and she usually pauses for a few seconds before saying things. Also, she has outgrown the need to say everything, and now runs most sensitive things past me first.
This is a conversation we had while driving somewhere last week.
Me: Are you and Paul (not his real name) going to the Valentine Dance on Friday?

K: Yeah. He wants me to go.

Me: Don't you want to go?

K: I do.

Me: Do the two of you actually dance?

K: Yes, we dance and kiss sometimes.

Me: Good. I'm happy you have a boyfriend.

K: Do you think we'll get married some day?

Me: I don't know. Do YOU think you'll get married?

K: Probably.

Me: Do you love him or just like him?

K: I love him but you know how I am...I get really excited about something and then after a while, I'm not interested anymore.

***She is quite introspective about many things and knows herself very well

Me: Well, that's true but you know how you are, so maybe you need to pray about it.

K: Yeah, cause I couldn't do that with marriage. I couldn't just say 'I'm tired of this and I'm done being married because marriage is supposed to be forever.'

***There are a lot of people who should take her advice.

Me: Yes, that's true. Do you and Paul ever talk about getting married?

K: Not really. His parents said he can't get married for a long time yet.

Me: Okay. Do you think he knows what being married means?

K: You mean having sex? Like when he puts _____ his_____ in _____my ______?

Me: Yes...that is an important part...but there's more to marriage than sex.

K: I wonder if he knows about sex.

Me: I don't know and I don't know how you will find out.

***WAIT FOR IT.....

K: I think the next time I see his parents, I'll say, "So, does Paul know all about sex?"

*** In Kalisha's mind, if you want to know something, the logical thing to do, is ask.

It takes a lot to rattle me when it comes to Kalisha, but the scene and the conversation she just described flashed across my mind like a meteor. I continued driving and said, "Honey, I really don't think it would be a good idea to ask that question, okay?"

K: Okay.

I warned you, didn't I?

Conversations At the Funeral Home

I have no pictures for this post, darn...but I thought people might frown on me taking pictures last night at the funeral home.
The man in the casket, (I'll call him Jim) was the father of my ex-son-in-law. (Stay with me here. It gets complicated.) That means he was the grandfather of 3 of my grandchildren. I wouldn't say he was a friend, but we would visit with him and his wife at the grandkids' birthday parties and other gatherings over the years.
As we walked to the door of the funeral home, we passed a newly constructed area, approximately the size of a small room. There was a large, wall-size glass window in the front of it, right next to the sidewalk.
I said, "Look Kalisha. This is where they put your casket if you can't afford the big room inside. People can just walk past on the sidewalk and look at you."
She thought about that for a bit. I could see the wheels turning...then she looked at me and said, "What do they do if it's raining?" I had to tell her I was kidding; I had no idea what that room was for. But we had a good laugh about it.

As we stood in line, she asked, "So, he was the same age as Dad?"
"Yes, he was exactly one year younger than your dad."
"I wonder if anyone will call me when Dad dies."
"I'm sure someone will let you know, Kalisha."
"Will I have to say anything at the funeral?"
"I doubt it. But you better start practicing for what you're going to say at my funeral."
"Okay. Are you going to Dad's funeral?"
Now there's a question I have asked myself a few times. We were married for nearly 40 years and we do have 5 kids together, but would I go to the funeral? I haven't decided that yet.
"I will make sure you get there, Kalisha, whether I go or not."
"I think I better call Dad when we leave here."
"Why? Are you going to tell him you're checking on his health?"
"No. I will just talk for a little bit."
"Good idea."

When we reached his widow, Kalisha gave her a big hug and asked, "Are you going to be all right?"
Then..always wanting to know all the details, she asked, "Were you with him when he died?"
Sue explained the whole scenario and what happened and where and when.

Before we left, Kalisha spotted her ex-brother-in-law's half brother, Sam. (Are you still with me?)
We have not seen Sam in probably 10 years. I would not have recognized him. Kalisha went straight across the room to him, hugged him and told him she was sorry about his dad. I was watching and hoping this guy was really Sam. It was.
She saw several other people she knew. She is always gracious, shakes hands and chats a bit.

We left and as soon as she got outside, she called her dad. He was at a restaurant and didn't talk long. I think she just needed to know he was still alive or something.

Funeral homes do have a way of making you think about your own life and death, don't they?