Elation to Deflation

Kalisha is a list maker. She not only makes lists of the things she wants, but she makes a list of the gifts she is purchasing for others. Her Christmas gift list includes her friends and relatives; she makes no differentiation based on who will be able to buy her one in return.

She had every name and gift written down with the price and where she would buy it. No discount stores for this girl; she wanted to be a 'real Christmas shopper' and go from place to place at the mall. Her budget was discussed with her BC and me. She was all set.

We started by having lunch at Coney Island (her choice, not necessarily mine) then to Apple Glen for a few small things, then to Glenbrook Mall. She hopped out of the car and was gone before I locked the car. This was her day and we know, it ALL had to be purchased on one day. I bought a cup of coffee, found a good "people watching' spot and waited for her.

She found me; her hands full of bags and the most elated look on her face. Her cheeks were rosy, she was smiling from ear to ear and was breathless. She could hardly wait to tell me about her purchases. She got everything on the list, including a $17 pillow for a friend who is never going to be able to spend even $1 on Kalisha. But that is okay; it was what the friend said she wanted. She bought a $25 Sears gift card for her dad and his wife.

It was fun seeing her so happy and I was smiling as much as she was. We went to the lockers so she could retrieve her coat. I said, "Turn around so I can take a picture."

I was so busy checking my phone to see if the picture turned out okay, I didn't notice the package on the ground. When we got home and were retrieving packages from the trunk, she asked, "Where is my Sears package?"

It was nowhere to be found. I drove back to the mall, she went to Sears and the mall office and left her name and number in case someone would turn it in. She was devastated; it nearly ruined the whole experience for her. I felt so bad for her; the disappointment was palpable.

She learned several things: Put small bags inside big bags so they don't slip out of your hands and always put receipts inside your purse instead of the bag. (If Sears had the receipt, they could have cancelled the card and issued a new one)
We discussed the positives: Perhaps the person who found it could really use it for a gift for a child or someone who needed it. AND it was $25 and not $50 or $100.

She has recovered and has everything already wrapped and under her little tree in her room.

She has moved on and accepted it for what it is. Perhaps we could learn a lesson from Kalisha.

Who Is She?

Kalisha Watching A Colts Game

My daughter, Kalisha, is a lot of different people rolled into one. Not in a 'split personality' kind of way, but in an age kind of way. I never know exactly what age she is from day to day. She can be a little girl that needs comforting, an adolescent that refuses to see things from another point of view, an obstinate teenager, a concerned and caring adult, or all of these depending on the situation.

She will agree with anything I ask her to do. "Kalisha, take that laundry basket to your room when you go upstairs."

"Okay, I will."

Then she doesn't do it. I have 4 other children, so it's not like this is something new, but her not doing it is different. She isn't defiant, she just doesn't think about the request, if that makes any sense. She agrees because she doesn't want to upset me, I guess (believe me when I say it takes more than a laundry basket to upset me). The problem is that she will agree with just about anything I say or suggest. Here is an absurd example:

"Kalisha, I really don't like the colors of the leaves in the fall. I like it better when they are green."
"Yeah, me too."
"But, the reds and oranges and yellows really are pretty, I guess."
"Yes, they are."
I tell her I don't want her to agree with everything I say. "You have a right to your own opinions; you don't have to think exactly like I do."
"No, I don't."
Then she smiles at that answer, because she knows she just did it again.

Sometimes we practice. I will make a statement and ask her to think about how she really feels before she answers. If she really does agree, it is okay to say so, but if she doesn't agree, that is okay, too. This is a hard lesson for her to grasp for several reasons. She wants to please me and others; she is a very concrete thinker, and many times she doesn't know how she feels about something, so agreeing is the easiest route.

This can and has gotten her into many unhealthy situations....so we continue to practice. I will post the story of her being with someone while they were stealing something from a store.....next time!