Elation to Deflation

Kalisha is a list maker. She not only makes lists of the things she wants, but she makes a list of the gifts she is purchasing for others. Her Christmas gift list includes her friends and relatives; she makes no differentiation based on who will be able to buy her one in return.

She had every name and gift written down with the price and where she would buy it. No discount stores for this girl; she wanted to be a 'real Christmas shopper' and go from place to place at the mall. Her budget was discussed with her BC and me. She was all set.

We started by having lunch at Coney Island (her choice, not necessarily mine) then to Apple Glen for a few small things, then to Glenbrook Mall. She hopped out of the car and was gone before I locked the car. This was her day and we know, it ALL had to be purchased on one day. I bought a cup of coffee, found a good "people watching' spot and waited for her.

She found me; her hands full of bags and the most elated look on her face. Her cheeks were rosy, she was smiling from ear to ear and was breathless. She could hardly wait to tell me about her purchases. She got everything on the list, including a $17 pillow for a friend who is never going to be able to spend even $1 on Kalisha. But that is okay; it was what the friend said she wanted. She bought a $25 Sears gift card for her dad and his wife.

It was fun seeing her so happy and I was smiling as much as she was. We went to the lockers so she could retrieve her coat. I said, "Turn around so I can take a picture."

I was so busy checking my phone to see if the picture turned out okay, I didn't notice the package on the ground. When we got home and were retrieving packages from the trunk, she asked, "Where is my Sears package?"

It was nowhere to be found. I drove back to the mall, she went to Sears and the mall office and left her name and number in case someone would turn it in. She was devastated; it nearly ruined the whole experience for her. I felt so bad for her; the disappointment was palpable.

She learned several things: Put small bags inside big bags so they don't slip out of your hands and always put receipts inside your purse instead of the bag. (If Sears had the receipt, they could have cancelled the card and issued a new one)
We discussed the positives: Perhaps the person who found it could really use it for a gift for a child or someone who needed it. AND it was $25 and not $50 or $100.

She has recovered and has everything already wrapped and under her little tree in her room.

She has moved on and accepted it for what it is. Perhaps we could learn a lesson from Kalisha.

Indianapolis Colts Pillow Pet

I could hardly type those 4 words as the title of this post because I have heard them so many times in the last 2 days, I even dreamed about them.

This saga started on Christmas day. Kalisha was happy with her gifts, although even after all these years, I still never quite get used to the lack of much emotion. She opens a gift, says thank you and lays it aside. Then she opens the next one, says thank you and lays it on the stack. 'Hope springs eternal in the human breast' is a quote I like to use. I am always hoping one day she will open something and be ecstatic. I know that is definitely not in the autistic person's nature, but one can always hope. This year she really wanted a Colts shirt with # 12 and LUCK on the back. Obviously, so did everyone else. It took a lot of searching, but with God's help (literally) I found one on the 24th, and it was her size. Yesssssss!

I could hardly wait for her to open it. She did, smiled and said thank you. No, no, no! I wanted to say, "You are supposed to be jumping up and down and screaming and running off to your room to try it on." Why do I expect that when I know it will never happen? I did ask her to try it on and she said she would before she went to bed. Arrrrrghhhh! When I expressed my disappointment, which of course, I had to do, she immediately put it on. I am such a pain, I know.

Okay, now to the rest of the story....a friend of hers who is also a Colts fan, sent a picture to Kalisha's iPhone of a Colts pillow pet she had received for Christmas. Naturally, Kalisha wanted one just like it. I tried to dissuade her by convincing her it was pretty ugly (which it is, sort of) but she wasn't buying that. Nothing was open on Christmas day, so she spent a few hours writing in her notebook.

Wednesday afternoon I was trying to take a nap and since she was using the landline, she was in the living room. Twenty-three times (because she was cut off twice) I heard her say, "Yes, do you have an Indianapolis Colts pillow pet? No, a pillow pet. Indianapolis Colts. C-O-L-T-S, you know, like the football team?" "Okay, I will hold." When they transferred her to the correct department, she would start over, "Yes, do you have an Indianapolis Colts pillow pet? In-di-an-a-po-lis. Football. Okay, how much is it?"

I never did get a nap, because even when she found one, she continued calling because someone else might have one on sale. (The stupid things were $29.95...are you kidding me?) Some stores were out, some didn't carry them, some only had one, and the Meijer's at Maysville had theirs on sale for $17.00. Woo-hoo, but that is too far to drive, she decided. She knew that was what I was going to say.

Kalisha is a tenacious person. She never stopped dialing until she had called all 21 stores on her list. We had to go North this morning anyway, so I told her we would stop at the Lima Rd. Meijer's. They had one left and it had been marked down to $17 also. It was full price yesterday when she was calling, so I know God had them mark it down before we got there so I wouldn't have to listen to her call all 21 stores again to see if anyone else put it on sale. She was willing to return a pair of jeans so she could purchase him. It was a good thing she wanted to return the jeans and not the LUCK t-shirt or that might have been a mountain I would have had to climb.

Okay...so he's not so ugly. Obviously he came home with her and now resides in her Colts Museum, also known as her bedroom.

Holidays Are Stressful? Really?

rochelle hartman (cc)

Christmas time, one of the most joyous times of year, can quickly turn into a pull-out-my-hair, if- someone-gives-me-one-more-fruitcake-I’m-going-to-throw-it, when-will-this-holiday-finally-be-over season. When we should be celebrating the birth of the One who came to save us, we are stressing over piles of wrapping paper, baked goods and party invitations. The busyness steals our peace and robs us of joy. So how can this holiday season peaceful? How can we remain joyful?

Everyone talks about how stressful the holidays; lists to make, cookies to bake, gifts to buy, decorations to put up, parties to plan, school programs to attend, and practices for the Sunday school program. They all demand our attention and of course, we have to do ALL of them.

Do we? Really? Do our children need a myriad of gifts or would a few be all right? I know, I know; we just can't bring ourselves to cut back even when our lack of funds forces us to. We find a way to make Christmas "meaningful" to our children, even if that means skipping this month's mortgage or rent payment or car payment.

It may be even more so with parents of special-needs children. After all, life doesn't seem fair for them all year long, so we need to level the playing field and get them everything they want at Christmas time. When I ask Kalisha to make a list for me, she just starts putting 'things' on it because that is what she thinks she should do. If we go over her requests one at a time and I ask if that is something she really wants, she invariably says, "No, not really."

I can't speak for all special-needs children, but many would rather have the gift of time spent with someone of their choosing, and perhaps see a movie and go to McDonald's. I am definitely not suggesting that an outing would replace all gifts under the tree, but it would probably replace half of them.

I used to be guilty of talking her out of something she wanted because I didn't want her to want it. For example: Kalisha loves DVD's and owns many of them. When asked, she would name one she wanted and it usually was a Disney or some other kids movie. For many years, I tried really hard to make her 'want' a more age-appropriate movie (her chronological age). She can be easily persuaded, so of course, she would agree with me. Then she would never watch the one I bought. Somewhere along the line, I gained a little sense and got the ones she wanted. After all, I remember receiving gifts that the giver thought I should have, even if that wasn't what I really wanted; and I hated that, so why do the same to my own child?

I try to make just as much fudge and cookies as we need for gifts and only a few more. That way we don't have to look at all of the extras and of course, eat them. We are trying to eat healthier, so it helps to only make half the quantity.

Our family exchange has helped the budget immensely, too. Everyone brings one gift that costs $2 or less, wrapped. It must be usable by either male or female. You may think that would never work for your family, but I guarantee you it will be the highlight of the get-together and yes, you can find some great things at the local Dollar Tree or Dollar General stores. The younger children will make their own shopping choices and love it.

Our group ranges in age from 66 to 4, and everyone has a great time unwrapping and swapping gifts. It eliminates the expense, the huge amount of time spent shopping and wrapping, and the search for the 'perfect' gift. They are all perfect gifts. AND nothing has to be returned the next day.

Everyone can use a little help during the holidays. Teach your children the difference between giving and getting. Perhaps you could ask the parents of a special-needs child if they would like you to spend some time with their child while they go shopping for a few hours. Believe me when I say that crowded stores and malls are difficult for children with sensory issues. Too many sights, sounds, people, noises, smells and congestion. It is not a ho-ho time for them.

What do you do during the holiday season to make things easier?