And So the Journey Begins

If you have read the book I wrote about Kalisha, you know some of my feelings about her moving out and living on her own.
It scares me to death, makes me sad and a bit uncomfortable.
Last year, I invited my grown children to come to my house and discuss some "Kalisha things" with me. I wasn't interested in having any of them sign a paper stating they would take care of Kalisha after I died; I just wanted some input. The meeting never happened. That should give me some insight into the future..right? If you can't find any time to discuss it, you probably can't find any time to be a part of her life, either. (They all suffer from the ridiculous theory: 'You will be here forever, Mom.')
 Really? That's a classic case of denial. They did, however, give me some advice. They all believe she should move now as opposed to when I die. The reason being my death will be traumatic enough for her without the added stress of having to move.
I think a small glass of wine is appropriate here.

Okay, moving on...Kalisha has, at various times, expressed a desire to have her own apartment or share one with a friend. Many times, it was when she was upset or thought life would be much better if she was 'on her own.' I have always talked her through it because that isn't the right reason to move.
Now, however, I believe we have reached a new level. We have been rationally discussing what she would have to learn before she could live with a roommate.
These are her lists and I was quite impressed with them:
 1) reading aloud would need to be in my bedroom
2) I wouldn't be able to do everything they did
3) If they went somewhere or got something new, I couldn't be jealous
4) I need to learn more housekeeping things
5) I would have to be able to cook

We discussed all this and more at the quarterly meeting of her providers this morning: case manager, behavioral consultant, Bethesda manager. I asked a lot of questions and received a lot of answers.

We have set a goal of one year. She will work on her goals and I will help her. I have to work on some things also. I will either have to take more writing jobs or I will have to move. Kalisha and I share the expenses of this house and I cannot afford it on my own.
Perhaps it is God's way of pushing me to do what I need to do.

I am so proud of her but my heart is breaking. This is, undeniably, the hardest thing I will ever do. In fact, I am crying while I write this, but as always, I will do what is best for Kalisha.

The Last Chapter Of The Story

I don't believe I have ever written 2 posts for this blog in one day, but I will today.

Kalisha was scheduled to have her wisdom teeth removed this morning, but her appointment was cancelled. She was so excited because when she checked the website, it told her the engagment ring had been delivered to her boyfriend's house. She saw him on the bus this afternoon and then got off at his bus stop to go to his house.

She wasn't home at her usual time, but soon I heard her come in.
"Mom, can you come down here, please. Mike's mom is here."
I was thinking a million thoughts as I went down the stairs. I glanced at Kalisha's hand and saw she had the ring on, but I really didn't know what to expect.

His mother told me she didn't know anything about the ring and she said her son was definitely not marriage material. She told me he would never be married. She explained he was a hugger and a kisser and friendly to everyone. Kalisha explained that he called her his fiance and told everyone they were going to get married. His mother said he didn't even know what the word fiance meant. (I am not so certain of that, but it doesn't matter)

She was very kind and told Kalisha that she (Kalisha) was much too high functioning for her son. He wouldn't know what marriage or dating meant. That did explain a few things, like his reluctance to go to a movie or out for pizza, etc. We talked for a while and then she left.

Kalisha stood there and looked at the ring on her finger.
 "So, we can just be friends when I see him, Mom? No more holding hands or kissing, huh?" Then she started to cry a little.

We sat on the couch and talked and cried and hugged and laughed a little for a long time. She put the ring back in the box and said she would return it and get her money back.
She avoided the pain of having her teeth removed, but had her heart broken, instead.

 I don't think Kalisha is in any way ready for marriage, either. Several days ago, we discussed, at length, how she has been all excited about many things in the past: volunteering at the zoo, working at McDonald's, volunteering at the animal shelter, etc. but then after a while, she was ready to be done. It wasn't exciting any longer. I tried to make her see that once the excitement of all the preparations for marriage are over, it isn't always exciting any longer, either. I always knew it probably would never come to a marriage, but I thought it might make them both happy for a little longer and he was an individual who would not harm her, as some had.

I'm not certain if she is sad about the relationship being ended or if it is the loss of a dream that hurts her. She seldom cries, but it makes me cry for her. I think she was in love with the idea of being in love.

She has recovered, as she always does, and is talking about going to a group meeting of a social group of young people like her. She has resisted attending, but I think she may be ready now.

God always knows the end of the story, doesn't he? I have a poem/prayer given to me by an eighty-four year old lady. She said she prayed it every night before she met her husband. Kalisha said , "Find that prayer, Mom. I guess I will pray it, too."

A Maiden's Prayer

 

Dear wise and loving God above

Show me the man that I should love.

May he be good and kind and true

May he have faith and believe in you.

Grant him a smile for each tomorrow

May he have wisdom in joy and sorrow.

Let him have faults, dear Lord, you see

I don't want him too much better than me.

But may he be steady, firm and sure

that the hardships of life he may endure.

But this above all, dear God I ask

as I give unto you this task.

First, dear Lord, he must love you

And then may he find, he loves me too.