Scales and Success

Every January, Kalisha is inspired by all the talk of resolutions and makes a decision to lose weight; as do millions of other people. She usually starts out doing really well until the first trip to the grocery and Little Debbie beckons her or the Golden Arches call her name.
This year, I advised her to not tell anyone when she lost a few pounds. It nearly killed her to not post it on FB, but she didn't. We decided when she reached the 10# mark, she could brag a little. She has reached that goal and is determined to keep going.
So what is different this year? I believe there are several factors:
1) she is exercising
2) she has the motivation of wanting to fit into the khaki pants she has to wear to work at Parkview Field in a few months
3) in the food area, we have tried to R-E-A-L-L-Y concentrate on 'portion control' rather than all the things we can't eat (I am saying 'we' because I am doing this, also, only I can't say I exercise)
I want to tell you a Subway story that I found nearly unbelievable. Kalisha had received a Subway gift card and although Subway has healthy options, Kalisha always orders the meatball sub smothered in mozzarella cheese, a bag of chips and a soda.
Her Friday cooking group took a day off from cooking and went to Subway for lunch. This is her story when she came home.
Kalisha: "I asked the guy behind the counter if a meatball sub was good for someone trying to lose weight. He said 'no.' So I ordered the turkey sandwich with no mayo and I didn't get a bag of chips and no soda."
Me: "Wow. Kalisha, I am so proud of you. That took a lot of will power."
Kalisha: "Yes, it did. Oh, yeah, I did get 2 cookies, one for you and one for me."

My theory is you can't conquer all the giants at one time. I was amazed at her choice of sandwich and that she could actually force herself to do it.

Another football-watching day, she wanted to use her coupon for a Papa John's Pizza. I said it would be very tempting to have that in the house. She told me she would only eat one piece and have a salad with it. That is exactly what she did. She froze the other 7 pieces, so she can have one every time she gets hungry for pizza.
It was a good thing she set a good example for me; otherwise I would have had 2 pieces. :)

For a week, she was losing a pound or a half pound a day. Then for a few days, she stayed the same. Then lost a bit again, and then one morning, she gained a pound back. I coached her through the disappointment and said that always happens to everybody and encouraged her to just keep going. She has and when she got to the 10# again, she put it on FB (this morning) She is blessed with many friends who commented and encouraged her.
I also know the experts say you should not weigh every day, but she wants to, so it is ok with me. That is another motivator.

There are so many reasons (besides khaki pants) for her to lose weight.

She has gone out with friends several times and done fairly well with her ordering but if she orders something like the mint swirl shake at Arby's, it isn't the end of the world. I don't want this journey to be self-defeating.

Right now, she is feeling pretty good about it and we will continue working on our goals, but it definitely isn't the only topic of conversation at our house.

 

 

And So the Journey Begins

If you have read the book I wrote about Kalisha, you know some of my feelings about her moving out and living on her own.
It scares me to death, makes me sad and a bit uncomfortable.
Last year, I invited my grown children to come to my house and discuss some "Kalisha things" with me. I wasn't interested in having any of them sign a paper stating they would take care of Kalisha after I died; I just wanted some input. The meeting never happened. That should give me some insight into the future..right? If you can't find any time to discuss it, you probably can't find any time to be a part of her life, either. (They all suffer from the ridiculous theory: 'You will be here forever, Mom.')
 Really? That's a classic case of denial. They did, however, give me some advice. They all believe she should move now as opposed to when I die. The reason being my death will be traumatic enough for her without the added stress of having to move.
I think a small glass of wine is appropriate here.

Okay, moving on...Kalisha has, at various times, expressed a desire to have her own apartment or share one with a friend. Many times, it was when she was upset or thought life would be much better if she was 'on her own.' I have always talked her through it because that isn't the right reason to move.
Now, however, I believe we have reached a new level. We have been rationally discussing what she would have to learn before she could live with a roommate.
These are her lists and I was quite impressed with them:
 1) reading aloud would need to be in my bedroom
2) I wouldn't be able to do everything they did
3) If they went somewhere or got something new, I couldn't be jealous
4) I need to learn more housekeeping things
5) I would have to be able to cook

We discussed all this and more at the quarterly meeting of her providers this morning: case manager, behavioral consultant, Bethesda manager. I asked a lot of questions and received a lot of answers.

We have set a goal of one year. She will work on her goals and I will help her. I have to work on some things also. I will either have to take more writing jobs or I will have to move. Kalisha and I share the expenses of this house and I cannot afford it on my own.
Perhaps it is God's way of pushing me to do what I need to do.

I am so proud of her but my heart is breaking. This is, undeniably, the hardest thing I will ever do. In fact, I am crying while I write this, but as always, I will do what is best for Kalisha.