Easy For You....

As you know, Kalisha is a bit stuck in 'Hello Kitty' mode. She desperately wanted a fleece, tie blanket with Hello Kitty on it. Each time we entered a fabric store, she looked at every bolt of Hello Kitty fleece.
I tried my best to talk her out of it; "You have 2 Colts blankets" "How many blankets can you put on your bed?" "Christmas is coming" "The fleece with a name is more expensive." It was to no avail.
Last week, she told me the fleece she wanted was on sale for $5.99 a yard and the plain color for the underside was even less. She knew that because she was sent a notice on her phone, of course. She purchased the 2 yards of Hello Kitty and 2 yards of plain pink.
I didn't have time to cut and tie right away. She kept insisting she would tie it. I really did not think her fine motor skills were good enough to tie the edges.

So, we started.....I cut the corners out and tied 4 cuts on each side of a corner. Then I made 5 cuts and tried to show her how to tie them. She just couldn't get the hang of it. Finally, I told her to get her shoe and untie the laces. Then I asked her to tie them. She could do that, so I asked her to tie the strips just like the laces. She kept wanting to make the bow part of shoelaces.
After several attempts, she could do the strips correctly; not exactly the way I do them but the end result was the same. Woo-hoo.
I stopped cutting for a while and when she needed to start again, she had to get her shoe to help her realize how it worked. Soon she was tying faster than I was cutting.
I told her she was done with 2 sides and she could finish tomorrow, but I forgot for a minute this was Kalisha I was talking to. The person whose motto is, "If it's started, let's git 'er done." (That only applies to things she wants done, of course.)
She stuck with it and of course, she finished it.

I was so very proud of her. At the same time, it makes me a little sad; not for her, but for how often I tend to forget just how difficult some things are for her. When I was trying to help her get her fingers in the right places, it seemed so simple to me; but my fingers work fine.
How frustrating it must be to not have your fingers do what you want them to.
I am surprised she is as calm about not 'getting it' right away, as she is. I would be throwing things, I think.
Kalisha is aware and accepting of her limitations, but it is still a very hard thing in her life.

Play It Again, Sam

I realize that anyone who reads this blog probably becomes weary of reading the same posts about Kalisha's obsession over something. However, this blog is about a person with autism, and obsession is a way of life that is often consuming. I guess I should be happy that she at least changes obsessions once in a while.

Have you ever heard a 3-year-old who wanted something and wasn't getting it fast enough? Something like this: "Mommy, is it time to go?" "Huh, huh?" Mommy, did you say we were leaving soon?" "Can we leave right now?" "Why not?" "I'm ready now, Mommy." "I don't want to wait until Daddy gets home." "Can we leave now?" "Please, please?" "Why can't we leave now?" " Look. I'm ready." "Let's go no-o-ow." "Why can't we leave now?"

You get the idea.

Kalisha doesn't talk like that, but she cannot put something out of her mind once she is set on it. Last week, a lady became ill during our church service. Kalisha was one of the first ones out of her seat and wanted to help in some way. She was immediately praying for Delores (not her real name), and spent the day very concerned about her. She emailed someone from church to check on her and find out the hospital room number. Once she had it, she wanted to visit her in the hospital (obviously, she was not in critical condition). I did not have the time on Tuesday to take her so she asked her 'community helper' to take her there. The lady had been released and sent home. I had told Kalisha to call first to make certain she was still there. She didn't. She did stop and buy her a card. She wrote all kinds of nice things in the card and then needed a stamp. Later she saw that Delores was on FB so she started sending her messages there. She called her at home once.

All this time, I have been talking to her about 'smothering' Delores and how she was going to relapse due to stress if Kalisha didn't leave her alone. She always tells on herself. I would never know how many times she texted her or messaged her on FB, but she always tells me. I told her that if she didn't stop, her consequence would be to lose her phone...a fate worse than death to her almost.

Kalisha says, "I'm not obsessed with her or anything."   

Really???? You could have fooled me. At one point, I told her she was obsessed with being obsessed. That put a really puzzled look on her face.

I ended up taking her phone on Saturday. She was not happy with me. She doesn't yell or anything, she just gets sullen. I drove out to a friend's house to see their new baby. She didn't want to get out of the car. Okay, sit there. On the way home, we stopped to see another friend who had been in an accident. Although Kalisha was very concerned about him, she wouldn't go in to see him either. I think she believes that she is punishing me somehow (for taking the phone) by not participating in anything. It really didn't bother me. If she wanted to be bored and sit in the car, it was okay with me.

When we got home, she didn't want to eat either. Okay. She kept asking me if we could stay for Bible Class on Sunday morning. It is between services and since we always attend the early service and Delores goes to late service, it was her way of possibly being able to see Delores.

On Sunday morning, after a good night's sleep, Kalisha awoke with a whole new attitude. She was ready for the Colts football game on Sunday evening, but was still thinking about seeing Delores. As it happened, she did see her and had a chance to ask her how often she could call her. Now this sweet lady said that she didn't mind Kalisha calling and she could message her on FB any time she wanted.
  
My first thought was: Damn!! I wish I had been able to speak to her first, so I could have had her set some boundaries. I told Kalisha that, although it was very nice of Delores to say that, she still couldn't call her more than once a week. On Monday, her Behavioral Consultant discussed the whole scenario with her.

Can you see how time and thought consuming it becomes when she gets 'stuck' on someone or something?

The phone consequence works very well and definitely gets her attention. Sometimes, she can self-talk herself out of the obsession, but many times she can't. The strange thing is this: Now that she has seen Delores, talked to her, and has permission to call her once a week, she probably won't.

I don't have the answers to things like this. We just keep on, keeping on.