Consequences are Such a Pain

Kalisha volunteers every Tuesday morning at a Christian preschool in our city. She loves being there and obviously, the feeling is mutual. She gets to read to a certain age group and we all know how much she enjoys that.
When she first learned to read, she would read a few sentences and then turn the book around to show the pictures to an imaginary audience of children.

 

This week, her schedule became unmanageable for her. Her BC, who always comes on Monday at 8:30, could not come until Wednesday at 11:20. Kalisha knew about this change for 2 weeks and was good with it. However, when her staff person who takes her to the preschool on Tuesday, called about an auto problem and could not come until Wednesday, things started downhill.

She agreed to going at 7:45 so she would be home for the second app't. but I should have said, "Why don't you think about this for a few hours before you agree." but I didn't.

She chose to go to bed later than she should have but was up at 6:45 to shower and dress. So far, so good...but not for long. She texted her staff person, telling her she needed to be home by 10:30 (no, she didn't) and making various excuses why she needed to be here.

I knew a train wreck was about to happen and I did not want that at the preschool.

She simply did not go to the preschool (this was agreed upon by BC, staff, me and Kalisha) and waited for her BC at 11:20.

Consequences for not keeping a commitment are loss of phone and computer for 24 hours. Painful, really painful for Kalisha. However, she didn't object; only to ask if I could let it slide just this once :). I did not and before you think I am a heartless person, here is the reason: I have let consequences slide a few times, but I know the next time there are consequences, she is quick to remind me, "You let it go last time."

Yep, not going there. Sorry.

Consequences Are the Pits, But Necessary: My Advice to Parents

As you probably already know, if you read this blog very often, Kalisha has a behavior and commitment contract. If she doesn't keep her commitments, she suffers the consequences, which are: she loses her phone and computer for 24 hours. That is the worst possible scenario for her.
This morning, she did not want to volunteer at the food bank like she does every Wednesday morning for 2 hours. TWO hours.
She woke up in a bit of a funk this morning and immediately stated she did not want to go. I stopped cajoling and giving reasons why she should a long time ago. I simply said, "Well, you know the consequences."
Usually, after she thinks about it for a bit and considers the alternatives, she decides to go. Once she is showered and dressed, she is happy to go. Not today. She stated every reason she could think of to not go. I took the phone and the laptop, hid them both and went on with my day.
She was not a happy camper. Around 10:15, she asked to go. I told her it was too late. She would only be there for 30 minutes. She said she would walk there. I told her to go ahead and walk, but it still didn't count and she wouldn't get her phone back.
Her next solution was to work at the same church but for their free neighborhood dinner tonight. Nope, that wasn't going to work either.
She took a nap, read some books and continued to grumble; quietly. She is never mean or nasty when she is angry; just grumpy. She doesn't talk much, barely answers questions when asked and eats by herself.
I can live with all of that. Actions have consequences and if she is ever going to survive in this world, she needs to learn that. I don't usually offer advice to other parents of special needs children/adults, but I'm going to go out on a limb here. So often, I see huge allowances made for disobedience, rudeness and bad behavior by some individuals who actually know better. I am not talking about the meltdowns from sensory issues, etc. I am speaking of the child/adult who knows what they are doing is unacceptable behavior. Please don't just excuse it. We, as parents are not going to be around for our children forever and we all profess to want the world to accept our kids. If we really want that, then do your child a favor and give them consequences for unacceptable behavior. The world and society, in general does not care about their disabilities and will not accept their cute bad behavior. The sooner they accept responsibility for their actions, the happier they will be. *When I say 'consequences' I do not mean spankings, beatings, or verbal or emotional abuse of any kind. I am talking about real-life consequences, like the loss of something they like a lot. Example: Kalisha's phone and computer. It totally ticks her off, but it does not endanger her and she thinks long and hard about repeating the action that caused the loss. (Obviously, she didn't think about it long enough this morning)