Let's Talk About This...

I wrote a post on FaceBook last week that began with this statement or similar one: 'April is Autism Awareness Month and if you don't know that by now, you must be living under a rock.'
I meant it in a humorous way, but let's face it...it is a true statement. There is so much dialogue and information and celebrity spots and Facebook postings and 'Light it up Blue' information being thrown at the public, I really do believe a person would have to be in a coma to not know this is Autism Awareness Month.
Is it a good thing? Yes and no, in my humble opinion. Definitely 'yes' to making people aware of the many facets to autism and the individuals that are diagnosed with it. Perhaps 'no' to the overkill of advertising.
 It is like anything else; just because you know some facts about a certain subject, does it make any difference in your daily life? Are you kinder and more tolerant of a child's behaviors in a restaurant? (A friend of mine told me they were enjoying dinner with their son at a local restaurant last week when the server told them a couple was being escorted out because they complained about my friend's adult son with autism. ) Does it stop those kind of behaviors? Does it make the social lives of young adults on the spectrum any better? Are their peers any more inclusive of them? Perhaps and perhaps not. It obviously made the management of that restaurant more aware and tolerant. YAY
Until a diagnosis of autism affects you or your family or your friend in some way, it may not make any difference.
That is true of most things, isn't it? We see, read and hear much information about many diseases or situations, but until it affects us personally...does it really change our daily actions?
So....you are asking if I think all the 'Awareness' campaigns are a waste of time and money. NO, emphatically, NO. They are a necessity and if being aware of some facts about autism helps just ONE person to be kinder or more tolerant, then it is all worth it.

Kalisha, my adult daughter who is on the spectrum and has had Asperger's and mild intellectual disabilities with just a smidge of OCD and some seizure issues added into the mix, is employed by Parkview Field (a local Minor League Baseball stadium) to hand out the programs and greet people when they enter the stadium. This is her third summer of doing this. While it may seem like an odd job for someone with autism (since the stereotypical concept is they are all shy and uncommunicative) it is perfect for Kalisha, who is very social and has never met a stranger...seriously.
Recently, I was contacted by a young man from Bethesda Communities in Watertown, WI. Bethesda has a facility in Fort Wayne, IN, also and Kalisha is a client there. He wanted to know if a media coordinator could contact all the media outlets in Ft. Wayne and see if there was some interest in featuring stories and articles about her, her life and her employment at Parkview Field. He asked me if I thought she would enjoy being called a role model for the autistic community.
I seriously had to stifle a laugh about that. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you are aware of some of Kalisha's activities and I'm pretty certain they would not fall under the role model category.
However...I told him, "Yes, I think she would enjoy that."
She is going to be interviewed tonight for an article in the local paper and then later, there will be a television interview with local WPTA/WISE stations (ABC/NBC affiliates).
She is absolutely thrilled by this and I am so happy for her and her chance to tell people and show them that a diagnosis of autism, while devastating, is not necessarily a 'death sentence' for families, I must admit, there is a bit of trepidation on my part when someone puts a microphone in front of Kalisha.

Copy Cat Actions

Remember when you were a kid and a sibling or friend decided it would drive you crazy if they copied everything you did? Kalisha has the annoying habit of copying things that other people do.
I know in the past, I have written about some people's actions she copied which put her in danger. That's not what I am talking about now. These are everyday little things; if I decide to call a friend and I'm talking for a little while, Kalisha will call someone so she is talking, too.

If I decide to have a soda, she will have one, also. The copying doesn't apply to things she doesn't like. For instance, if I order a chicken sandwich at McDonald's, she definitely won't copy that but she will have a cheeseburger. If I decide to buy a cookie or ice cream cone, she can't even imagine NOT getting one.
When one of her nieces or nephews snacks on some chips, she may not have the exact same kind, but she will have a snack of some kind.
I could go on and on with examples; however, her 'wanting to do what everyone else is doing' stood out this past weekend.
It was Father's Day. Kalisha purchased tickets for her and her dad to attend a minor league baseball game. When she returned home, she posted a picture of them at the game, on FaceBook. Under the picture she wrote an entire paragraph extolling the virtues of her father. I read it and immediately wanted to make a smart-aleck comment, but I refrained.
I told her those were very nice things to say about her dad. I did question her as to why she felt she needed to say them.
Her answer was exactly what I expected, "Well everybody else was saying lots of great things about their fathers, so I wanted to do that, too."
*She didn't say anything wrong, she just exaggerated their relationship a bit.

I think we are going to try a new game. Every day, there will be something I do or say or eat or watch on TV and she will need to practice NOT doing it. The only reasons I am concerned about her copycat behavior is: #1) it does tend to annoy people and
 #2) she needs practice in thinking for herself instead of allowing other people's actions to dictate her actions.

Kalisha's Party

Kalisha started to plan her 30th birthday party in November of 2013. She knew exactly what she wanted: Blue, the Indianapolis Colts' mascot and Johnny, the local minor league baseball team's mascot. She wanted to invite everyone she knew and had ever known......believe me, that is a whole lot of people.
We reserved the community room at our church for this event. She chose Feb. 9th because Feb. 2nd was the Super Bowl. Her actual birthday was Feb. 6th. She made all the arrangements herself. She called the Colts representative about Blue and the Tincaps about Johnny. Neither one could tell her anything that far in advance, so she called back every few weeks to check. I think the women answering the phone soon knew her name.
In January, we took a day and went shopping for cakes and decorations

and ordered the ice cream she wanted. (individual cups so no one would have to dip it out)
We discussed gifts and how difficult it would be for people to shop for her, since she is very particular about colors, sizes and the 'feel' of things. She made the decision to tell people to not bring anything for her but to choose one of 2 charities; A Hope Center, which provides for pregnant women and girls and the babies, or Animal Care and Control, our local animal shelter.
We decorated 2 separate boxes for these charities, she invited people on FaceBook, in our church bulletin and sent some invitations to the folks who wouldn't see either of the other notices.
The day came and the party was all she expected and MORE. Her first teacher from the preschool, her 4th grade teacher, relatives, friends, and professionals she has been associated with.This was only a fraction of the 100 + people.

 

 

 

 

Dancing with Johnny and sharing him with everyone present was fun

 

 

The cakes turned out like she envisioned them; one baseball, one Indianapolis Colts. The Tincaps mascot came for 30 minutes, but Blue could not come. They did send her an entire box of wonderful Colts gifts. I think they felt like they knew her after talking to her so many times and felt bad he couldn't attend. (It saved her a lot of money)

 

The donations people brought were mind-boggling. So very generous. Both boxes were overflowing. The beautiful things filled the car of the person who delivered them.

 

 

The many items for the animals were appreciated, too.

Kalisha did receive a few gift cards and some cash for herself so it wasn't like she got nothing for herself.

 

It was a perfect day and we were both tired when we got home. I think she was very pleased with the entire outcome.



A Recent Conversation

For those of you who know Kalisha well, you will relate and 'hear' this conversation. For those of you who don't know her, this is a glimpse into our world when she is in "Kalisha Mode."
I need to preface this with the fact that Kalisha and I have really good conversations most of the time. She is knowledgeable about many subjects and unlike many individuals with autism, she is very verbal. We discuss the news, weather, budgets, likes and dislikes, friends, etc.
However, when that internal switch 'flips' and she is in her world of emotion, all reasoning goes out the window. She will say almost anything to bait me. Occasionally, I definitely rise to the occasion, but I practice NOT doing that.
This is our conversation from 2 days ago, verbatim.

"Mom, I have a new boyfriend."
"Yeah? Who is he?"
"His name is Louis."
"And how do you know him?"
 "I see him on the bus all the time."
"Okay. How old is he?"
"I don't know. 39, I think."
"That is too old for you."
"He wants a girlfriend and I want a boyfriend, so we are meeting tomorrow."
"Where are you meeting?"
"Downtown at the library."
"I don't think so. He is too old and you don't know anything about him."
"I know his name and he said he likes me."
"Not enough information. Does he have a job?"
"Yes, he works at _____________."
"You need to get to know him as a friend first."
"I'm going to buy a TinCaps (our local minor league bb team) sweatshirt."
"No you are not. You just spent your 'spending money' for the month on 4 dvds from e-bay and the Vera Bradley things and you bought a TinCaps headband and hairbow."
"Yes, but I sold the first Vera Bradley purse and I can use that money to buy the sweatshirt."
"No, Kalisha. That money will have to go into your checking account to pay for the new Vera Bradley design you ordered."
"But I want the sweatshirt."
"I know you do, but you have spent over $100 on your personal things this month and it is only the 6th of May."
"Do you want to see a picture of Louis?"
"Sure."
"We are friends on FB and here's his picture."
"He is definitely too old, ok?"
"Do you want to talk to Jenny about him? She knows him."
"Sure. How does Jenny know him?"
"She said she knows him for a long time because he used to live by her."
"Okay."
"So can I buy the sweatshirt if I take the headband and the hairbow back?"
"You will have to add the amounts and see what the difference is."
" I can send the purse back, but it already shipped."
"And since you sold the other one, what will you use?"
"Jenny said he likes to drink and he is divorced, too."
"Hey, he is just getting better and better."
"He said he likes to 'cuddle' but I don't want to and he can't do that at the library. So I will still meet him there, ok?"
"No. No meeting him and no going to the TinCaps store until you figure this all out."
"So should I delete him from my 'friends' list?"
"I think that would be a good idea."
"He has some really gross pictures on his page, too."
"So why do you want to meet him at the library?"
"I changed my mind. I don't want to meet him. But I want the sweatshirt, ok?"

By now you may be saying that I should be thankful she is so verbal and she is not kicking and screaming and thrashing around on the floor, swearing........oh wait, that is ME doing those things.