Monday, March 6, 2017

How is Kalisha Dealing With Your Marriage?

I decided to blog about this because I have been asked the question many, many times. Some people are genuinely concerned about Kalisha's reactions, some are interested in case they ever face the same situation and some are just nosy. It really doesn't bother me at all but I thought I could reach more individuals and not have to repeat myself so many times.

 I recently married a man I have known for 35 years but we just reconnected last summer. IF you aren't aware of the facts surrounding this event, I will list them:
*Dwight High and his wife and the Doty family both raised goats and showed them at many shows during the summers. Dwight was in charge of the Open Show at the Van Wert Co. Fair in Ohio. At that time, 1983, exhibitors were required to stay with the livestock for the entire week of the fair. Needless to say, all the exhibitors became friends during that week. This was repeated each summer. After many of us no longer showed, we all lost track of each other.
*A few years ago, I saw a comment from Dwight on some post on Facebook. I sent him a message and asked if he was the Dwight High I remembered from Ohio, because now his profile stated he lived in Florida.
It was him and we chatted a bit. His wife had died, he was retired (from the OH State Police) and now lived in FL. I was divorced, had sold the farm and lived in Ft. Wayne, IN.
*Every 6 months or so, we exchanged a few words on Facebook.
*May, 2016, I saw a picture of him in someone's barn. I was fairly sure it wasn't in FL. I messaged him and asked if he was in OH. He said yes he was there for a graduation and asked if I wanted to meet for dinner before he went back home. We did have dinner and the rest is history.
*Kalisha remembered him from the goat shows, so she felt that she 'knew' him and he knew her since before she was born. She immediately liked him.
*The 2 weeks before Christmas, she and I flew to FL to visit Dwight at his house. I felt she needed to see him in his house and environment so she would have a mental picture of where he lived and shopped and ate, etc.
*Dwight put up a Christmas tree for us, he indulged her love of Olaf and bought tickets for a one-day visit to Disney World so she could meet Olaf.
(Dwight was climbing higher on her 'favorite person list' every day.) They frosted Christmas cookies together and discussed many subjects. It was good for both of them, because then he could see a little bit of how she operates also.
*When he asked me to marry him, it was with the understanding that I wasn't moving anywhere until Kalisha was fully settled in her apartment (That move had been in the works long before Dwight entered the picture) and for months after: until I was comfortable with her being comfortable.
*Kalisha and I have been a 'team' for over 30 years and that was all taken into consideration. Dwight truly does love her and tries his best to understand some of her behaviors. He read the book about her: Not Different Enough and that helped, but of course, he still occasionally tries to reason with (sometimes) an unreasonable person.
*Kalisha really wanted to be at our wedding but accepted the fact that none of our children were going to be there and she couldn't be either. It took place in a cabin, on a mountain, in TN and there was only the minister, photographer, 2 friends from TN as our witnesses and Dwight and me.
*It has been a very good mixing of personalities. They have a lot in common...going out to eat being their favorite activity.
Has it been an adjustment for all of us? Of course, but I believe it has been a very smooth one. Kalisha is adult enough to understand married people need some time alone and some privacy (some of her comments could be another blog post but it won't be LOL). In fact, she seems to totally enjoy our being together. I think she is in love with our being in love.
*There have been a few signs of worry that she is going to lose me permanently. If I go upstairs for any length of time, she goes up also; to her room, but still, upstairs. When I come back down, she comes back to the living room. Her BC says that is quite normal and it will lessen with time.
*So...the answers to WHEN or IF we are moving to Florida are not answerable at this point in time. Everything hinges on when the house where her apartment will be located, is purchased or built or remodeled. Until then, Dwight is stuck in the IN weather instead of his 80+ Florida weather.
*I hope this clears up some of the confusion concerning our plans. If YOU get them figured out, please let us know.

*For more information on CASS housing, visit the website,

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Would You Like to Come For Dinner?

It seems I have several posts that need the title, 'Really, Kalisha??' She continues to amaze me, amuse me and almost always entertains me.
As I have written in the past, Kalisha is part of a new (new to IN) housing solution for high-functioning individuals. We know she will be living in her own apartment in the not-so-distant future.
To that end, her Behavioral Consultant and I and Kalisha have been working diligently on her living independently skills. Some times in the past, we have worked on them but then I drop the ball and we go back to NOT working on them.
However, there is a greater urgency now, so she has a chore chart. She is in charge of which chore she does on which day. The little magnet notes are movable, so she can change days if she chooses.

She has been doing an excellent job with no urging from me and no reminding. She just does it. YAY...progress.
Last week, she walked into the living room and announced, "The dishes are all washed, dried and put away, except for the glass pie pan. I didn't know where that went."
"Wonderful, Kalisha. I am so proud of you. That pie pan had stuff really stuck on it."
"Yeah, it was hard to get off, but I used the green and yellow scratcher."

My eyes blinked a little before I said, "The one from the bathroom?"
"Yes. It worked great. I think the red one by the kitchen sink is worn out."
"Kalisha, you do know that green one is to scrub the tub, right?"
"I wasn't sure what it was for, but it looked new so I used it."

I was nearly rolling on the floor. Truthfully, it was new and I had just placed it on the ledge in the shower, but Kalisha didn't know that. You are probably asking if I 're-washed' the dishes from that night. Not a chance. We do not own a dishwasher and I had no desire to wash them a second time. She got them clean...what more can I ask for? LOL
I'm sure you will all be thrilled to accept an invitation to eat at our house in the near future, won't you?

Thursday, October 6, 2016

More Is Not Always better

In the last two weeks, Kalisha has done some crazy things in her shopping adventures. It seems she makes great progress, has all her ducks in a row and then shazamm...things are back at square one.

She recently attended the DeKalb County Fair with her boyfriend and each of their staff people. When she came home, I asked if she had a good time. She said they did and they had a good lunch while there.
"So what do you have in the paper bag," I asked.
"Oh, just some doughnuts for us to share."
"Good. I'm hungry for something sweet. May I have one?"
"Sure," she replied.
I opened the bag and was rather amazed at the amount of doughnuts inside.
"Kalisha, how many doughnuts did you buy?"
"Just a dozen. They looked really good and I thought we could all share."
Right...a dozen doughnuts in a house that tries not to eat many sweets.

So yesterday, I met two friends for lunch. Kalisha wanted me to drop her off at the mall while I visited. When I picked her up, several hours later, she said she ate at Chick-Fil-A. She had a chicken sandwich and fries AND their nuggets.
"Why did you get a sandwich and the nuggets?"
"I don't know. I guess I was hungry."

Later, we went grocery shopping. Grocery shopping with Kalisha is always an adventure. We have been working on her spending and selection skills for-evah...or so it seems to me and probably to her, too.
We each had a cart; I had a large one and she had a small one. She met me and had only 3 boxes of cereal and some grapes in her cart.
"Should I get some of that yogurt that is on sale?" she asked.
"Sure," I told her as she headed to the dairy case.
She came back and her cart was filled with Yoplait yogurt containers.

"How many did you get?" I asked.
"Six of every flavor."
I was doing some fast calculating in my head and even at .39 each, that was going to be a staggering sum because there must be 15 flavors.
"You can't get that many," I told her. "Where are we going to put them all?"
"I don't know but I'll put them back, Mom."

Off she went to put them back. Wouldn't you like to be the one working in the dairy department and having to put them all back in the correct flavor spaces??? It's called job security.

So I expect her to return with maybe 12 or so. No. She only has 4.
"Kalisha, you can get more than 4."
"No, it's okay. I'll get some more another day."

Some day, we are going to conquer the spending "thing."

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Cookies? What Cookies?

Apple I-phone 6s Plus

As you probably all know, Kalisha is a phone junkie. She loves her phones and in case you think she doesn't make good use of her phone...think again.
She rarely uses her laptop; all things are done on her phone. It is her constant companion. She can find anything, watch movies and TV programs on it. She buys and sells things on e-bay on it and she uses social media, especially FaceBook.
Her list of 'apps' is impressive and she has about a million pictures stored.
Now, while that is all good, the bad part is she always wants the latest and greatest new one. They are quite expensive so she has been to the Verizon store to inquire about trading her present phone in and how much they would give her for it. She is quite a 'haggler' or as I suspect, she just talks them to death and they give her what she wants so she will go home. LOL
This time, she has stipulations before she can buy a new phone. Her Behavior Consultant and I (and Kalisha) made an agreement as to when she can have a new one. First, her present one has to be paid for. She pays a certain amount each month toward the balance through Verizon. Her present balance is $249.14.
Sooo, she has to accumulate that much money before she can finance the one she wants: the Apple I-phone 6s Plus.
If you see her, don't waste your breath trying to talk her out of it. She will not be deterred. Several people have told her they like their Samsung phones (what she currently has) better that Apple (which she had before the Samsung). Are you following along here???? It doesn't matter to her what they like; she wants this one and she is going to raise that money if it kills her (and me, possibly)
She has set the middle of August as her deadline because I am going to be gone for a week and she wants her phone before I leave.
So far, she has sold all of her Hello Kitty stuff which netted her around $35.00. She is going to add her paychecks from Parkview Field to the jar. She needs more. So today, she put 2 pair of shoes (really cute and barely worn) on e-bay. Then she put her bicycle helmet on e-bay. She no longer has a bike so why keep a helmet? I was good with all of this as long as she didn't start selling the cats and dog.
HOWEVER, yesterday she comes to me with a list. "I have 8 people already who want to buy a dozen cookies."
Me: "Cookies? Who is selling cookies?"
K: "I am. I'm charging $5 a dozen."
Me: "Really? There are people who want to buy your cookies for $5 a dozen?"
K: "Yes. And I will have more money for my phone."
Me: "Uhhh, how are you going to get the cookies to them?"
K: "I don't know. I haven't figured that out yet."
Me: "Are they all the same kind?"
K: "No. They want all different kinds."
Me: "You realize you will have to buy the ingredients to make them and that comes out of your $5, right?"
K: "Well, I guess so. Or I could use your flour and stuff."
Me: "No. That won't work. Also, where exactly did you advertise these cookies?"
K: " I posted it on FB. I said I was selling cookies for $5 a dozen and I have 8 customers already."
Me: "Do you know the board of health is going to hunt you down. You cannot sell food from an unapproved kitchen."
K: "Well, I just thought I would start my own business and make some money."

You know, some days this 'special needs' girl is just too smart for her own good.
*Never fear, she will have that $249.14 by the end of August, come hell or high water. Determination is her middle name. Of course, there might not be any furniture left in our house....

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Remember the "Occasionally" Part

Before you read this blog post, please take a second to re-read the title of this website. It is "Getting It Right-Occasionally" That refers to me getting it right, occasionally...not Kalisha.
I'm going to tell you about an incident yesterday and it definitely wasn't one of the times I got it right.
Kalisha has overcome many obstacles and grown in many, many areas. She has one habit that is still particularly annoying to me. I realize it should not bother me any longer, but it does. Immensely.
She tends to have a knee-jerk reaction to some things and before doing any processing, she immediately reacts by calling everyone she can reach to get either their sympathy or their opinion. Or she just needs to talk through it. There are several people who handle this very well and some...not so well. I hate it when someone says to me, "Well, it sounds like you and Kalisha had a disagreement again" or something similar.
Even though they mean well, it makes my skin crawl. Yes, we probably did but if you don't know the whole story, just forget it.
We have discussed this and her BC and I have both cautioned her against immediately calling someone for advice. Process a bit first, Kalisha, and then if you still feel the need to talk to someone, go ahead.
Okay, here's what happened:
I returned on Thursday from 5 days in FL. She stayed home alone, knowing her sister and family live a block away and she could call Carrie, her BC, any time, day or night. She did an excellent job in those 5 days. She washed dishes, took care of the pets, emptied wastebaskets, made her own meals...the whole enchilada. AND, she only texted me to say 'good morning' and to say 'good night.'

She was unbelievably happy to see me when I walked in the front door. You would have thought I had been gone for a month. I was happy to see her, also.
The next day, we were having a normal conversation about many things, when I casually mentioned the fact that I had seen (not purchased) some good prices on tickets to fly back to FL in August.
She looked at me and said, "You might go back????"
I told her that yes I probably would, at some point. I thought that was the end of it. Five minutes later, I hear her on the phone, telling someone about how I might fly back to FL and she didn't want to stay alone again...and on and on.
Mistake #1: Yes, I should have given her some time before I mentioned leaving again.
Mistake #2: I should have asked who she was talking to.
Mistake #3: Knee-jerk reaction (she obviously gets this trait honestly)
Mistake #4: I told her I was done sharing anything with her and I was not going to be her friend anymore. I would always be her mother, but not her friend.
Mistake #5: I didn't discuss my anger with her at all; instead we went to do some errands.
I took her to our local bank branch, where everyone knows her. She went inside to deposit some money to her account while I stayed in the car. Our favorite teller came out to the car and told me Kalisha was at her window, crying. She had tried to console her but couldn't make her feel any better.
I immediately went inside to receive my "Mother of the Year" award. Geez.

*Remember, I only get it right-OCCASIONALLY.

I talked to her and hugged her, assuring her I would always be her friend, as everyone in line watched and either smiled or wished we would hurry up. I didn't care.
We discussed this for the rest of the day. I apologized and asked for her forgiveness, which she, of course, granted.
Knowing how much she values our 'friendship' and always says we are best friends, that was probably the most hurtful thing I could ever say to her. I could have told her it was definitely time to move out or anything, except saying we weren't friends any longer.
Am I contrite and beating myself up because I chose to say that? Yes. Will I hurt her again some time? I'm sure I will...I'm not dead yet, so yes, probably.
Mistakes are a part of life and we all hurt people; sometimes unintentionally and sometimes, intentionally. The saying about sticks and stones, is NOT true. Words hurt more than bruises.
Kalisha and I are best friends..we always have been and always will be. Even when either of us says stupid things.


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