Monday, March 6, 2017

How is Kalisha Dealing With Your Marriage?

I decided to blog about this because I have been asked the question many, many times. Some people are genuinely concerned about Kalisha's reactions, some are interested in case they ever face the same situation and some are just nosy. It really doesn't bother me at all but I thought I could reach more individuals and not have to repeat myself so many times.

 I recently married a man I have known for 35 years but we just reconnected last summer. IF you aren't aware of the facts surrounding this event, I will list them:
*Dwight High and his wife and the Doty family both raised goats and showed them at many shows during the summers. Dwight was in charge of the Open Show at the Van Wert Co. Fair in Ohio. At that time, 1983, exhibitors were required to stay with the livestock for the entire week of the fair. Needless to say, all the exhibitors became friends during that week. This was repeated each summer. After many of us no longer showed, we all lost track of each other.
*A few years ago, I saw a comment from Dwight on some post on Facebook. I sent him a message and asked if he was the Dwight High I remembered from Ohio, because now his profile stated he lived in Florida.
It was him and we chatted a bit. His wife had died, he was retired (from the OH State Police) and now lived in FL. I was divorced, had sold the farm and lived in Ft. Wayne, IN.
*Every 6 months or so, we exchanged a few words on Facebook.
*May, 2016, I saw a picture of him in someone's barn. I was fairly sure it wasn't in FL. I messaged him and asked if he was in OH. He said yes he was there for a graduation and asked if I wanted to meet for dinner before he went back home. We did have dinner and the rest is history.
*Kalisha remembered him from the goat shows, so she felt that she 'knew' him and he knew her since before she was born. She immediately liked him.
*The 2 weeks before Christmas, she and I flew to FL to visit Dwight at his house. I felt she needed to see him in his house and environment so she would have a mental picture of where he lived and shopped and ate, etc.
*Dwight put up a Christmas tree for us, he indulged her love of Olaf and bought tickets for a one-day visit to Disney World so she could meet Olaf.
(Dwight was climbing higher on her 'favorite person list' every day.) They frosted Christmas cookies together and discussed many subjects. It was good for both of them, because then he could see a little bit of how she operates also.
*When he asked me to marry him, it was with the understanding that I wasn't moving anywhere until Kalisha was fully settled in her apartment (That move had been in the works long before Dwight entered the picture) and for months after: until I was comfortable with her being comfortable.
*Kalisha and I have been a 'team' for over 30 years and that was all taken into consideration. Dwight truly does love her and tries his best to understand some of her behaviors. He read the book about her: Not Different Enough and that helped, but of course, he still occasionally tries to reason with (sometimes) an unreasonable person.
*Kalisha really wanted to be at our wedding but accepted the fact that none of our children were going to be there and she couldn't be either. It took place in a cabin, on a mountain, in TN and there was only the minister, photographer, 2 friends from TN as our witnesses and Dwight and me.
*It has been a very good mixing of personalities. They have a lot in common...going out to eat being their favorite activity.
Has it been an adjustment for all of us? Of course, but I believe it has been a very smooth one. Kalisha is adult enough to understand married people need some time alone and some privacy (some of her comments could be another blog post but it won't be LOL). In fact, she seems to totally enjoy our being together. I think she is in love with our being in love.
*There have been a few signs of worry that she is going to lose me permanently. If I go upstairs for any length of time, she goes up also; to her room, but still, upstairs. When I come back down, she comes back to the living room. Her BC says that is quite normal and it will lessen with time.
*So...the answers to WHEN or IF we are moving to Florida are not answerable at this point in time. Everything hinges on when the house where her apartment will be located, is purchased or built or remodeled. Until then, Dwight is stuck in the IN weather instead of his 80+ Florida weather.
*I hope this clears up some of the confusion concerning our plans. If YOU get them figured out, please let us know.

*For more information on CASS housing, visit the website,

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