I have not written a new post for several weeks. I am just plain tired; emotionally, physically, mentally and every other kind of 'ally'. Tired of everything and everybody. I'm even tired of hearing myself say that I'm tired.
My 16-year-old granddaughter moved into our house about 3 weeks ago. She and her mother are the proverbial 'oil and water' times 10! I offered to move my office, which was in the spare bedroom, to the basement and she could have the room for her bedroom. It only took 2 weeks to finally get everything moved. I have an old desk that is as big as a Buick and to move it down 2 floors is quite an accomplishment. Probably a good thing the windows were closed, or the neighbors might have learned a whole new language from pinched fingers, bruised shins, etc.
I have had to retrain my automatic actions of taking papers to be shredded or filed UPstairs because now they go to the basement. All of my writing 'stuff' is now down and not up. Small, but frustrating. Then there is the small problem of having to settle shower times and TV watching times and programs between granddaughter and Kalisha.
Kalisha has had me basically to herself for many years and although she likes her neice, this was not her favorite set-up. I asked the BC if I was doing harm to Kalisha by letting Beth live here. She told me that as painful as it is, it is great training for Kalisha. Some day when I die, Kalisha will have to share an apartment with one or two other people and she will have to learn to share showers, TVs, etc. So this is great preparation for her. Okay, I'm game; most days. Kalisha does have her own television in her room, but she doesn't want to set up there when she can be arguing about a program down here, of course. It isn't all Kalisha; Beth can be hazardous to live with, also.
While I was being such a wonderful grandmother, I didn't think about the strain one more person puts on our already 'stretched to the max' budget. Extra water for showers and laundry, extra electricity, extra gas, extra food, etc. etc. I love Beth very much and I would do it all over again, but occasionally I say to myself, "Self, you already raised 5 kids and you will be raising Kalisha as long as you draw breath, so what in the world are you doing?????"
On top of that drama, Kalisha is infatuated with her new friend, Cari. She was calling her many times a day and going to her house nearly every day. It was too much. She needed some boundaries in place, so we (Kalisha's BC, Kalisha and me) worked out a contract. She can only call the friend 4x per day and can only spend time with her M-F for no more than 3 hours per day. She must keep all of her commitments- volunteering, therapist appointments- and do her chores before she leaves or have consequences. The consequences are to lose her phone, lose her bus pass or lose her time with her friend. It is working well and for the most part, Kalisha is trying very hard to keep her contract. Some days, I am just tired of being the contract police.
Then...last Thursday, our little dog, Trixie, was hit and killed instantly. What a shock that was!!! Kalisha went through 4 of the 5 stages of grief in about 5 minutes. A very traumatic experience for both of us.
We are debating about selling our house and moving to Texas for a while to be close to my daughter and her family, but we really do like our house and can't decide what to do. Tired of thinking about that, too.
I am trying to get the carpet out of the last two bedrooms in the house, in the event that we do put it up for sale. It takes a little longer because I am still not able to kneel on my new knee, but I guess bending over is good for the waistline. AND, the Indianapolis Colts are not looking so good!! Oh No.
In light of what many people are going through, this all sounds so trivial.
I trust God implicitly and I know that He will not take me where He will not sustain me, so I will lean on Him and keep on trudging along.
There are more things going on, but I am going to bed, now. After all, I'm tired.