Tuesday, January 21, 2014

When It's Over, It's Over

Kalisha meets with her BC (behavioral consultant) every Monday morning at our house. I leave them alone, but occasionally Kalisha will call me into the living room if there is something we all need to agree on or if the discussion is about a new 'plan' of behavior or consequence that I need to be aware of. This BC is absolutely the BEST on the planet. She and Kalisha have been together for 5 years and she knows Kalisha and her behaviors better than I do; in fact, she has to explain them to me, sometimes.

This post is about one of those times. As well as I think I understand Kalisha and know her inside and out, I don't always 'get it.'

When she was about 9 years old, she was asked to compete in Special Olympics, which she did. She had a good time, won a few medals and went home.

She was asked again the next year, but her response was, "No. I did that once."
I have told that story and laughed about it many times, but really never grasped the mindset behind the remark.
When her BC comes in each Monday, the rule is for Kalisha to tell her one good thing that happened the past week before they embark on other issues. She usually does really well at remembering something even if it has been a ho-hum kind of week.
Several weeks ago, a friend of mine and Kalisha's picked her up for a day-long outing. They started with lunch, then shopped at the Vera Bradley store where she gave Kalisha her 40% OFF coupon to use on a small purchase she had been planning, then they visited her daughter's apartment (Kalisha and her daughter are the same age and have always been friends) where they helped dismantle a Christmas tree, then they went to see the movie, 'Saving Mr. Banks' By any standards, it was a wonderful day. Kalisha thought it was, too. She told me all about it when she came home.
On Monday, her one good thing was, "I went to lunch with Marilyn."
That minimal statement just blew me away and truthfully, made me a bit angry with her. I described the day and the events to her BC. She just smiled and nodded. Later, she called me and tried to explain Kalisha's way of thinking. No matter how excited Kalisha is about an event, when it's over, it is in the past and done. She told me about another client she has (she never divulges any personal information) and his desire to go fishing on a big lake. He was given the chance. He went for 3 days, fished, swam, boated and had a marvelous time. A dream come true. However, when he was asked about it later, he said simply, "Yeah, I went to the lake."
Somewhere, there is a disconnect between good times and rehashing them or re-living them. It isn't that she doesn't remember or keep the memories, but if it is done, then she is ready to move on to the next thing.
She is planning this big birthday celebration in a few weeks. It will cost her a lot of money and time and be a time for seeing LOTS (we're planning on 200, possibly) of friends and acquaintances. When it is all over, she will probably say, "Yeah, I had a birthday party." Period. Oh well.

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