Monday, December 3, 2012

I Can't Want It More Than You Do

If you have been following this blog for any length of time, you know Kalisha is concerned about her weight. She talks about it often and expresses a desire to change her eating habits, get more exercise, etc. Quite normal thinking, right? Don't we all do that?

Photo of Kalisha's Junk Food Stash from "Getting It Right - Occasionally"

I do not press her on this or ever tell her she needs to lose it, unless we are having a discussion about health issues. These discussions are initiated by Kalisha, not by me. She can recite every reason she would be better off if she lost 50 pounds. We try to lose weight the right way....make small goals, celebrate little victories, don't go "cold turkey" with all fast food, sweets, etc. This past attempt we even took pictures of each other in the workout clothes (yes, I need to lose some pounds, also). Then we hid them in a folder where we can track our progress. Does anyone ever look decent in those photos?...Oh my goodness!

She also had an incentive in a hooded, fleece Colts sweatshirt she had ordered online, but when it arrived it was uncomfortably tight. That was her goal; to fit into that hoodie...comfortably.

Okay, so now she has the goals, the 'buddy' (me), the reward incentive, the health information AND she put all of this on Facebook, so she has a lot of friends cheering her on. She weighs religiously--twice a week-- and she has lost 3 pounds in a 2-week period. I keep encouraging her; it is better to lose weight very slowly, so you don't gain it back immediately. However, Kalisha is not good at long-range thinking. In fact, the day after she started, she asked me if she looked thinner!

She does really well with some things. She has a 12-pack of soda in the garage refrigerator but she hasn't even had one. It is the fast food and buying goodies at the grocery that 'get her.'

I want it so badly for her; I tend to get angry when she comes out to the car with her 'groceries' and they are 90% non-healthy things. Last evening, she wanted to grocery shop by herself. In the interest of her independence, I waited in the car. She came out with a container of strawberries and some orange juice; the rest was ice cream, Pringles, corn dogs, sugar cookies, Little Debbie cakes, etc.

A bit of humor...she said, "Well, I did have bananas and apples, too. But I thought it was too much money, so I put those back."

Of course, she put the fruit back, and she even likes fruit, but she likes the sweets more. I totally understand her struggle with food.

She needed a mask for sleep apnea, but I knew she was never going to wear it so I just turned the matter over to God and let it go. I am struggling with the letting go of this weight thing. My other daughter once told me, when we were discussing something entirely different, "Mom, you can't want it more than they do."

This has become my new mantra. I repeat it several times a day. I can't want it more for Kalisha than she does. I can't want it more for Kalisha than she does. I can't want it more for Kalisha than she does.
It's actually pretty freeing, if you accept that philosophy in your head. It can be used for hundreds of situations with children, spouses, friends, neighbors, etc. Although it's difficult to see them struggle with their unwise choices, we can't want it more than they do. We can't want them to quit smoking, see a doctor, lose weight, exercise, go to church, get good grades, ask for a raise, or whatever the case may be, more than they want it.

Have you ever tried to achieve a goal with a special-needs person? What was your own experience like?

1 comment:

  1. Has Kalisha tried nose pillows instead of a mask? i could never wear a mask, but i've been a successful CPAP user (i think they may have renamed the machine in that time lol) for 16 years using the pillows. i know some people can't, but worth looking into if you haven't. Not all techs mention them. Valerie



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